Big... Big Bada Boom

February 26 - 7500 hits!

I have decided to change the format of my diaries a little. It will change a little here, but will be easier for me to track when I do diary summaries at the end of each year. I haven't updated this page in MONTHS, so bear with me as I unload several major events in my life all at once.

New Year's 2001

Well, now people can stop bitching about the 2000/2001 21st century thing. It's now officially the 21st century on the Gregorian Calendar. Yes, my calendar. :) I spent New Year's partially at a hotel, partially at home.

Many who have known me over the years know I have this good friend from my high school astronomy days, Dr. Jason Aufdenberg. Somewhere about 10-12 years ago, my wife and I started this tradition where Jason spends the New Year's night with us. Jason has gone from high school graduate to college graduate to teacher to astrophysics professor during this time, and we're always glad to have him over. This night was no exception. From this shy little kid I knew in high school, Jason has blossomed to a shy little adult! But seriously, he has continuously impressed me, as many of my friends have, with his ability to master odd and varied skills simply by saying, "I think I am going to do this." Jason is one of these prodigies. Since he has been on his own, he started very nifty hobbies, like cooking, cake baking and decorating, hiking, rock climbing, photography, and his latest endeavor, Banjo-playing. For the last few visits with us, he played the banjo for us, and he's getting more and more skilled.

We were invited to many parties this year. My friend Brian was having a Chinese New Year's party at his house. EveCon was having a huge party at the hotel (after the con). I was also invited to two more, including a Gothic rave, but I didn't think my wife and son would have been up to that one. :) I half considered having Jason over to the EveCon party, but we did that once, and it sucked because I felt Jason got ignored amid all the hubbub. I only see him twice a year as it is.

So we picked up Jason at his parent's new house in Falls Church, which was a very nice house. I also got to see Jason's mom Kirsten, stepfather Tim, and their dog, whose name I have forgotten, but is this huge friendly gray hound of some kind. We went home, unpacked from EveCon, and then settled down in front of the big screen TV (we love you!), lit a fire, played pool, and watched Dick Clark count down the New Year, and then kiss his wife. Then we fell asleep. It may not have seemed like much, but it was great. The next day, Jason played some more tunes he had learned, discussed astronomy (but of course!), and we generally had a good quiet day before we drove him home.

EveCon

I stopped reviewing cons I was personally involved with a long time ago. I did this after posting personal and private political stuff that affected my friends in all kinds of unpredictable, nasty ways. "Oh, ho! So that's what happened at SomeCon!" says an anti-SomeCon fan. So in case I haven't said it before, it's official, I am not going to post potentially scathing moments from conventions unless I am under the illusion they won't offend anyone, which makes them less like reviews, and certainly a lot shorter.

I did have fun at EveCon, though. FanTek cons have been a lot cozier lately. I have been meeting more and more new people each con, which is very, very cool in my opinion. I used to be a bit misplaced at how small FanTek cons were getting, but I seem to be meeting a higher caliber of people. Maybe I just appreciate people better, which is also a good thing to do. Bruce and Cheryl seemed more at ease as well, particularly since they got their hotel for CastleCon right under the deadline.

I got to know Matt Trent (beau of co-art show goddess, Moria) a lot more. We used to think of him as a shy, geeky toy collector, but once he gets talking, he's a very interesting and entertaining sort of person. Matt now does full-time Ebay trading, which I consider a fascinating operation. Matt and Moria were going to help us at Katsucon, so it was good to know them both. Matt also had some sort of bizarre connection with a Hostess Outlet, and because of that, we were able to get a lot of bread and Hostess Snacks (Twinkies, King Dongs, Ho-Hos, etc.) for the Katsucon Staff Suite.

I also had a big personal reunion with some old FanTek members, Sasquatch, Elspeth, and Nybor. I have known them for so long, I know their real names BEFORE they were known by their fan names. Sasquatch, or "Ralph" as I know him, was a young kid when I first met him at EveCons many, many years ago. EveCon 4 was the first con I worked with him. I saw him go to college, graduate, become a police dispatcher (he WAS 911 for many years), get married, and have kids. We look at each other's kids and feel old. Elspeth, or "Betty," (she hates her old name, but I can't help it) is a major player in the pagan community. I met her at EveCon 2, was on panels with her and Nybor (I know as Jim) at EveCon 4 and 5. Elspeth introduced me to two people that would have a major affect on my life. Joann, a spiritual advisor who later died in a tragic murder, and Christine, who would later become my beloved wife. Nybor is a gifted artist, and I got some artwork from them before they left. We also got invited to their Imbolc celebration, which is explained a little later.

As far as my own programming, I did my usual Opening Ceremonies stint which went not as well as I had planned. I still think FanTek has to find someone better to do this, and I hope I have my act together better for this coming CastleCon. Not that I don't *enjoy* doing it, I just see the whole thing and go... wow, this is so much untapped potential. What am I doing wrong? I think I am going to have to get some more variety into it. I didn't have to do the costume call this time around, since I left it to Sean and Paul at CastleCon. I also made the decision to delete another task, Rocky Horror. This was a hard choice for me, because I love Rocky, and I want to keep loving Rocky, but I am burning out on it. Brad got a migraine and didn't show up, and my usual crew of backups didn't show up either. I couldn't do it alone, so I got onstage, read the rules, and then let Dan Alt do most of the lines. I wasn't even into the Time Warp. I made the announcement on the FanTek list after the con, and Tycho and Bert said that they would love to do it. I am not quitting for good, just for a while. Also cancelled: "Whose Line is it Anyway," where a paltry 2 people (myself and Dan) showed up. Since I was the moderator, that left one performer. I had three alternates, but two of them also flaked, and one of them (April) I didn't select because I wasn't going to make her first time onstage a setup for disaster. I also had a panel where I did a speech on time travel, and was quickly reminded that any panel attended by Dick Preston (founder of the STAR foundation) becomes a panel run by Dick Preston. Now, this may sound bad, but honestly I like Dick Preston, so this was an opportunity for me to have a dialogue with Mr. Preston. I don't think Dick is aware that he does this, but he's so damn fascinating, I don't really care. My panel was only 20 minutes worth of material anyway. Dick did nothing but improve it. I also did the Katsucon Promo Party, which was very successful. We showed Otaku-no-Video, a commentary on anime in general. I also took this opportunity to get to know Andrew Iwanaco more, who has been running a lot of convention rooms for years, and he's only like 17. What a guy!

I also did the art auction, which was very highly attended, and contained the usual success of bidding wars, fueled on by my consistent egging and bruising egos. People who have attended my auctions often remark on how cruelly funny my comments can be (said all in fun, of course). I tend to increase bidding by saying, "Come on, you don't want to be beaten by a GIRL, do you?" and "I know you have more money. Don't give me that look of quitting, you coward!" and "Don't be all wussies, bid on this piece or I'll spread evil rumors about you and that goat!" People love it. I love it when a popular artist, like a Mandolia or a cjae original go up, because I see $15 pieces go into the hundreds. Often I say, "The next piece is by Mark Mandolia, ink on paper, and just to skip a few hours of bickering, I am starting the bid at 400 billion," or "Before I auction this cjae original, I am going to put up some chicken wire and remind the patrons that they will have to clean up any blood they spill, whether it be their own or someone else's." But the crown jewel of this year's auction was simply a black door. Yes, a plain door bought at Home Depot, painted black to resemble the 1 x 4 x 9 pylon from "2001: A Space Odyssey." The artist later admitted that he paid less than $15 in materials. All proceeds went to the art show, so that they could get new art boards. Bidding went from $1 to something like $165. The incentive was "The winner will not be forced to bring it home." People drove the bid up at first to around $14. Somewhere earlier, I had said to one quitting bidder, "Oh, someone give him a dollar, my god!" This tradition was done a few times during the auction, but at the pylon, everyone chipped in. People went around collecting a dollar here and a dollar there to add up to the unbelievable sum of $165. Everyone was so into it, too, they all cheered each other on. It was truly a beautiful and bonding FanTek moment, which is why I have always said, FanTek people rock.

The last good news of this convention is that this was the FIRST time I brought Ahfu. He was well liked, and although there was at least one loser who thinks making fun of dogs (chased him with an axe as a "joke") is cool, the vast majority of people loved him. And Ahfu loved almost everyone, except for one woman covered with buttons, a pack of toddlers, and the guy chasing him with an axe. The static electricity did a number on his hair, and he looked very fluffy. Ahfu will probably be at every con we go to, providing the hotel accepts dogs (which is why he wasn't at Katsu).

Katsucon

This was almost as much hard work in doing the web site and pre-registration for Katsucon as there was for Registration for the last three years (see previous diaries about the hell that gateway was). The good thing was that I got to spread the work over several weeks, and in the case of the web site, I had even more time. So by the time the con rolled around, the majority of my work was already done. The only thing I had to do at the con was answer some questions about some pre-registrations and clean up in the staff suite (when Mr. Mayfield wasn't doing it for me). The hardest part was sending out confirmations for 790 people, first via e-mail, then via postal mail. Then I had to label, stamp, and laminate the same number of badges. And despite my previous requests, the badges were fairly normal:

--- Keith Mayfield <k.mayfield3@gte.net> wrote:
> Since the theme is spy and secret agent type stuff..
> I am designing the badge as a security access looking badge..
> I have designed a new logo with the usual katsu patch
> and thw words  Katsucon intelligence agency encircling it..
> > What do you think??
> any additional suggestions..

I want 3-D badges with computer chips and blinky lights.  I want an
interactive hologram of a Kabuki Ninja chopping broccoli and another
eating sushi.  When my badge gets within 2 meters of another badge on
someone with the same interests, I want them to light up and beep the
opening anime theme that starts off "Yappa yappa yappa."  I want to make
cheap cell phone calls from my badge.  I want my badge to solve world
problems and have a slight vanilla fragrance that reminds me of baking
cookies.  I want a lanyard that can act as a floatation device in the
event of a water landing and make me look cool to the Gothic crowd.  If my
badge is lost, I want it able to call me from any pay phone and fly to my
location using the most recent sophistication in GPS.  I want my badge to
be Linux-driven, WinTel compliant, and be the life of the party.  I want
it to have an interactive TV screen on the back, open with 101 tools like
a Swiss Army Knife, and be recommended by four out of five dentists who
chew gum.  I want it to be spiritually balanced, witty and charming, and
have long talks with it on moonlight walks down the beach.

I want a Super-badge.

- Punkie

He was not amused.

At the con I made new friends of people I already knew, and one I hadn't seen in a while. I got to spend long conversations with Travis and Gorm of Team Chicken Salad. I also got to spend some time with Suzi, my old pal who illustrated my first book. I also got to chat with some of the guests. Steve Bennet and I had met at another con years ago because we had a common friend, Miraj. I sat at his table and spent some time with him as he told me a lot about Ironcat and the comic industry in general. Then he told me the art of appreciating ladies, which wasn't slimy as one might think coming from Steve.

I also got to spend more time with Newton Ewell, the founder of JASFA, and see some of his recent stunning spacecraft artwork. Newton, Rogue, and I spent many hours on Sunday discussing aging fen and taking care of our health and mind. I met Newton last year at Katsucon, when he, Rogue, and I judged Iron Artist. Newton, for lack of better words, is a swell guy. He may like marionette sci-fi (Super Car, Thunderbirds, and so on), but nobody's perfect. Just kidding, Newt!

I also tried to take pictures, which was a disaster because one, I am a rotten picture taker, and two, I had a rotten (new) digital camera. Now, before I play victim here, I did buy a cheap digital camera called JamCam 3.0. I got it at BJ's Wholesale, where it was on sale for $80. But it's an $80 camera. First of all, it drains batteries like nothing else. It takes one 9-volt, and it has eaten three 9-volts for about 30 pictures. Second, it only stores 8 pictures at a time at the highest resolution, and having taken pictures in the lowest resolution, I will suggest you only take pictures in the highest resolution. Also, the auto-flash doesn't always, it does very poorly in dim or mixed lighting (steaks and fade), and I think those two problems are related. It takes about 10-60 seconds to "recover" from a picture before it will take another without completely making a blank picture (which will be the color and texture of oatmeal). I give the camera a D+, not an F because when it does take a good picture, the quality is really good for an $80 camera. It's just not consistent.

I spent a lot of my time in the staff suite, and not just because it was my job to clean it. Christine really, really ran a good staff suite this year, topping off her usual high standards again. All the cool people came by and said hello. Christine had a great staff, too, including Moria, Matt, Jeni, Sarah, Hillary, Mr. Mayfield (Keith and Hillary's father), and a few other people I have probably forgotten.

I was also onstage for "Whose Katsu is it Anyway," moderated by Chris "Gopher" Snyder. He led a rag-tag team of comedy misfit through impromptu torture tests. There was Rob Lanz, Doc Fraga, Richard "Pocky" Kim, and myself. We were a success. It started out slow, but as Rob and I did "sound effects" from a mad scientists lab, we acted like a well-oiled machine. Everyone was really, really great.

This con was also the first time that I noticed my "star power," as it were, had increased in a rapid jump. No one asked me for my autographs, but a lot of people schmoozed me, which was funny at some times, slightly weird at others. I was also name-dropped for the first time that I knew of. Some yahoo went to Keith and said, "I want to do such and such at your con, and Punkie approved of it at EveCon!" Luckily, Keith is no dummy, and asked me. I never heard of the guy in my life. What really stunned me was that some people I have known for a while acted as if Christine and I were some sort of high-society celebrities in fandom. I think part of this has to do with my strange and sudden recognition as a SMOF (Significant Member of Fandom) by a group of other SMOFs in the DC area. I was invited to be part of a SMOF list, and e-mails asking me advice on how to run so-and-so started to trickle in. I never know what to say.

CCNA

I am not posting this for pity or a response, just as a warning (and for Newt).

I thought a lot before posting this. I felt I had to say something, particularly because I honestly thought I would pass the test, but I don’t want to come off like a whining child who didn’t get his way. But I failed, and failed with a disastrously underwhelming score (749). I spent almost all of Friday night and all of today in a depressive funk. It’s one thing to fail after a good fight. But so ill-prepared I was to the onslaught I was about to face, that I felt it my duty to at least warn people a bit more adequately than I was warned. And I want to vent.

The CCNA test is very, very hard, and not for reasons one might think. While I was tackling this 90-minute beast, I knew within a few questions that I had never encountered this tactic before, and was going to fail. I naively thought that being very knowledgeable in the topic and passing every practice test in the highest percentiles would at least, in some frail way, prepare me for the actual thing. No practice test, personal advice, $6000 worth of classes, or brain dumps on the web came even close. I panicked at first, and then calmed down and gave into numb acceptance that I would have to resort to guessing.

While I realized early on that I was defeated, I tried to analyze and remember every nuance of the horror that was before me. I felt that, if I could analyze this later in a much safer atmosphere, I would have a better chance the second time around. But it was not easy. And I haven’t come close to finding out a good way to study so I can pass the next time.

The first major hurdle was the oblique lies. This I blame on the testing center, Digital Corporation, which is manned by a very rude and unhelpful staff. I will skip this in detail, because it doesn’t really relate to this story directly, but it put unneeded pressure on me, and focused my anger towards some of the meanest women I have ever come across. Had I been someone with lesser social skills, I would assume I would have at least hit one of them square in her painted face and felt little or no remorse. I would have also caused a MAJOR ruckus because they told me lies about the testing procedure. I didn’t do this, because I had spoken weeks before with others who had actually taken the test, and believed them instead. Believe this, those who plan to take it: There are NO redos. It doesn’t matter what the instructor or tutorial told you, you cannot go back and change or even review a past answer (thank you Bruce and Sean for this valuable advice). There were other minor lies about acceptable ID and reservation numbers, but I’ll skip them, because the next part is the most important.

The most oppressive quality of this test, and it has been said before, is how they word everything. Let’s use a cat example. I know most of you reading this would not get the CCNA terms and proprietary words, so I have decided to explain this as if you were taking a test on basic feline (cat) knowledge. I assume we’ve all seen a cat. Suppose you want to test the student on how many feet a cat has. You would probably do it like this:

1. How many feet does a cat have?

  a. One
  b. Two
  c. Four
  d. Ninety

This is how the CCNA exam writers would put it:

1. In a common feline demograph, explain the pedipal interfaces in
numerical adjuncts that would be defined as true:

  a. Complete contact with the sidewalk
  b. A tail
  c. Chases birds with them
  d. Is not fond of dogs

Don’t ask me what the right answer is. I think it’s A. This was a majority of how my questions were phrased. I know “demograph” and “pedipal” are not really words, too. The test used words that do not exist in the world of networking, I checked. I can't give examples, because of the confidentiality agreement, but I felt justified when I got home and looked them up. The end result was, it wasn’t so much what you knew about the subject or how it applied to the industry. The focus of the test centered on whether you could make comprehensive sentences of seemingly strings of made up phrases. To illustrate how the questions and answers sounded, imagine this:

I am sure all of you know someone in your life who uses very fancy words for common phrases. Instead of “I’m going to the post office,” they would say, “I will commence ambulatory motion with my forelegs to proceed in the direction, vis-à-vis, the local postal carrier’s central point of distribution.” Many people I know say this to be funny, but some people I have met, sadly, think that they look impressive doing so. Like they are smarter and more educated than the people they speak to. This usually comes across as arrogant and insecure. Now imagine someone who is like this, but doesn’t quite know English or the subject he is talking about (like he doesn’t actually know what a post office is). I have since been told by many that this is actually the case. The tests are written by programmers, and then translated by people who do not know the subject.

It was so hard to decode those sentences. I had dyslexia as a child, and one of the helpful tools they gave us was how to break down a sentence to make it easier to understand. Like, “When I was a small boy, I used to go down to the lake and sail small boats until sunset.” You learned how to strip prepositional phrases and adjectives, and get the meat of the phrase, “I sailed boats.” Then you rebuild from there. I have only had to do this once since fifth grade, and that was because I was in a writer’s group in the late 1980s where a writer as SO bad, we had to describe to her in diplomatic terms that she needed to go back to school and learn how to convey thought into words on paper. But the test paled in comparison to this girl’s “Ronan the Barbarian,” saga. Even she would have said, “Uh, what?” There were several sentences that had no verb, and the noun was hard to identify (for instance “interface” is a noun, a verb, and an adjective, something that I never really had to think about until this test). My dyslexia teacher, as good as she was, would have assumed that this was a series of nonsense phrases randomly generated by a computer.

The third major hurdle was that I was told the test is 60-90% of the OSI model and subnetting. I, in fact, only had 6 of the 65 questions that related to this. Most of my questions were about (I think, it was hard to decode them), Frame relay and ISDN on the hardware level. I was asked “How many pins does a UID port have?” and the voltage levels of ISDN. I don’t blame the prep tests or my friends who gave me advice. I suspect that too much advice was given out, and the test givers changed the balance.

Will I take this test again? As Neo said in The Matrix during his martial arts training, “Oh, hell yeah!” But at $100 a pop, I can’t afford to take it TOO many times. I have to lick my wounds, regroup, and try other angles. But this kind of beast is hard to fight.

The Family

Christine is doing well at her job, which if I haven't mentioned before, in an International Shipping Company out of Baltimore. She does their HR, accountancy, and computer work. She had been building Access databases like gangbusters, and is excelling at her work. She is becomming quite the MS Access programming master, which I didn't expect, but I am glad that they are making use of her skills. She feels terrible that she has to ask people for so much help, but I explained that her boss hired her for all her resources, and getting help from other industry professionals is included in on that. I have done that a lot. That's something that companies can't hire, but hopefully can get from an employee.

Christine also did the EveCon art show, and yet again generated a profit for the art show, which hadn't been seen for about 5-6 years. She also rocked the house when she ran staff suite at Katsucon. Her suite was the general hangout place, as mentioned earlier, and she and her staff ruled.

CR has had an eventful life as far as being with us has been concerned. But despite missing many karate lessons, he still rose to a Gold Belt on Saturday the 24th. He's been having a lot of colds this season, which as you asthmatics know, is always worse for those who need inhalers.

The Book

Sigh. If there is one thing I am ashamed of most it's when people ask me when my next book is coming out. I honestly don't know. A lot of stuff happened last year, and my books have fallen behind. I don't know if this is the year I will do it, either. One new thing was that I started a new writing project called "Between the Lines," an experimental piece about a young teen named Tony Bumper and his new friend Koko. This was in my head for a while, and based on some dreams I had, I started writing this last year, and have now gone through three chapters. I did my first reading at EveCon, where it was very well received.

Because the "Punk Walrus" series is my own, I have been reluctant to take up any offers to get it published by any large publisher because they want the WHOLE copyright and I have a personal interest in where I want the story to go. But "Between the Lines" is different. I am writing this with the aim that it hits the mass market. But I have run into targeting issues. One, I want it to be mature, but being about young teens, I fear they will try and pigeonhole it into a Young Adult market. This means they will edit out any gruesome parts, like a murder, or sexual tension between the two main characters, so I have to avoid making any of those items a pivotal plot point.

First Aid Certification

In other news, I took a course in CPR/First Aid certification. My work has been requesting that some employees take this course to learn how to treat the injured and save lives. We also learned how to do evacuation drills, trauma management, and crowd control.

Imbolc

My late friend Joanne once described the pagan holiday of Imbolc as "the celebration where we [make love] like bunnies!" I used to joke with my wife on this holiday by buying candy in bulk, (haha "in bulk," get it? I am so droll...) but this year, we went to Bobbie's house, Bobbie being Jim and Betty's new wife. No, that wasn't a typo, and I am not casting judgement. I hadn't been to a pagan ceremony in quite some time, but at Evecon, Jim, Betty, and Bobbie hosted "Family Circle," which was one of their first pagan ceremonies that they hosted as a group, beginning at some Evecon oh so long ago. I had been to many pagan gatherings with them and with others, and around the mid 1990s, I burned out of the pagan scene, having seen too many flakes and evil manipulators. Even Jim and Betty dropped out of my life for a long while; I had not seen them since probhably 1994 (although we did stop by their house in 98, I think, and saw Jim).

But this was different. Even though the Family Circle had a few psychodramics (or "psychic vampires," as I coined the term, for people who have to have ALL the emotional attention), the Imbolc ceremony at Bobbie's house didn't have any at all. In fact, for those who arrived early, we all had a great time talking and discussing. Christine and I met a lot of new friends, and it wasn't one of those "crystal worshipping, unicorn loving" kind of nonsense at all! There were many people there for different reasons.

June 4 - 8000 hits!

Baldy-con 35

This was an interesting con. But first, a small bit of history.

My first ever con sort of was Balticon 18. I didn't pay for it, I was just with someone who went and he stuck me under some stairs with some Trek filkers who scared me in my little sheltered 14-year-old world. EveCon 2 would be my first real con experience a year later. Right after that would be my first con away from home, Balticon 19. Our whole high school Sci-fi club went. For the next few years, Balticon and the now defunct Disclave would be our staples.

Back then, Balticon was defined by our group as simply "more fun than Disclave," and since it was over Easter weekend, many of us got to be without our boring parents for some stupid church brunch. It was my all-time favorite con before I really got to know FanTek cons. After high school, I still went with FanTek to Balticon, and met my future wife Christine at Balticon 23. For various reasons, I stopped going to Balticon after that, except for 1993, when I attended a private party. It's not that I didn't want to go, it's just that FanTek cons were now my staple, I had a family, and never had money come Easter time.

This year, after several false starts, I went, partially under the guise I would help my friend Andy run the anime stuff and help Keith run nighttime security. But my hidden agenda was to see how Balticon and BSFS had changed, and possibly become a BSFS member again.

When I first went back in the 1980s, Balticon hosted about 2000-3000 attendees. This year, they probably cleared about 1400. Not bad, I am sure they broke even. But since the 1980s, my perspective of running cons has dramatically changed under the years of experience. I always hear rumors, and since BSFS is a comittee-run convention with an official board of directors, the rumor is always about political infighting and inefficiency. Cons seem to go better when one person is in charge, but I wanted to see if Balticon would show their errant snafus, if they even existed.

I got there Friday morning. Christine works in Baltimore 2 days a week, so she showed me around the warehouse and her corporate office. From there we walked to the Wyndham hotel (formerly the Omni). The hotel still didn't erase all of the Omni debris, even the front marquee had "Wyndham" on a cheesy vinyl banner over the old Omni logo. The Omni was as I remembered it many, many years ago. Not much had changed, even the wallpaper.

At noon, registration was not open yet, and was announced to me by a surly young lady. Shades of Imaginecon started to cross my mind. I asked them if other rooms were opened and I got no response. Finally, at about 1:45, I got my badge. Good thing, too, because the lines by the evening were enormous. I heard from everyone all weekend that the registration staff was rude, and that there was some sort of issue between the guy running it and the rest of Balticon. Great.

I met someone who I won't name because I like him, but I don't like how his personality has recently shifted. I will call this guy "Tom." I met Tom years ago at a convention that showcased really bad and cheesy horror movies, and Tom was a minor actor in a classic bad movie from my childhood, in addition to major roles in movies that really, really ... well, I should talk. I was an extra in "Attack of the Killer Cameraman," after all. But let's just say that most of these movies are not what most would consider quality productions. Tom has been hanging onto his meager mentions in IMDB.com, and selling the hell out of promotional items that are loosely related to his genre, like Lon Chaney buttons, Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia, and so on. And all con, he was selling these things like a desperate and annoying stock broker. It was really pitiful, and I felt bad for him, but lacked the guts to say, "Tom, listen, I like you and all, but your stuff is overpriced, your sales pressure is overbearing, and you are making enemies of those who don't know you from before this recent trend." He had a table in a major hallway, and from a certain vantage point, you could see that traffic blow bowed around his table after a certain point, because he was grabbing everyone he could to try and sell them stuff. And he wouldn't tell you the price right up front, because he must have known that it was overpriced, so he was hocking up the value like a used car salesman. I wish I were exaggerating. Tom, if you are reading this and know it's you ... please, I do like you, but when my 10 year old son feared your table because he thought you were after his money ... you gather more flies with honey than spitting vinegar at them, you get my drift? Play nice, this isn't Hollywood.

I hooked up with Katsucon with Keith and Doug, and found that our shifts were to be 9pm to 7am. Ugh! I thought like 6pm to 1am before I got there. Christine said, "No way," at first. Luckily, we had paid for our badges already, so we weren't technically obligated, but I didn't want to come and leave them high and dry. Keith said that Balticon, which I have always know since a teen, was very resistant to having security. When I was 16-17, this was GREAT! Now as an adult, and having seen cons run behind the scenes, I think, "Oh, CRAP! We're gonna dieeeee!" Colette and some other group of people convinced BSFS that security was a good idea. We even got off-duty uniformed cops.

I got our room, which was a TINY little thing. The king bed was not a king, but a queen, and there was no room for a rollaway, so CR had to sleep on the floor. The TV cable was part of the massive conspiracy of bad cable that has recently taken over hotels everywhere. Like 20 channels of mostly news, stocks, and sports. With local stations. No Comedy Central, which is my daily fix. Oh well, if I wanted good cable , I would have stayed at home. This was a con, right? I wanted to see what programming they had, buy CR wanted to check out the computer room. So we went down there, and they were not done yet. My friend Corey and the guy running the computer room, Paul, were there. He had a lot of familiar looking HP machines, and then I saw his work badge. He worked at my company. In my branch. What were the odds? It turns out that a lot of people from my company worked/attended Balticon. Paul was really harried, he had some HP machines on loan from our company, and nothing was installed on them yet. He also has a Sega Dreamcast, two frankenputers, and a PowerMac that barely ran. Paul was not a happy camper. He was running about trying to get stuff installed, and he was late already. A girl whose name I forgot and someone named Will were helping, and I ended up helping out, installing some software from network drives, so they could open. They only managed to open an hour or so late, which could have been far worse. I was glad to help when I could. That night, security seemed less and less a problem. Christine really got into it, and she liked being Central. It was weird, at night, Katsu *was* ops. There was Keith, JR, Doug, Vanora, Paul, Christine, a new girl named Sam, and myself. Sam was a girl of many shifting moods. But then again, she had problems back home and no sleep for 3 days. Katsucon expects to see more of her, as she will be working with ops.

Saturday, I got to see more of Hal Clement, who is sort of a friend of mine, if only because we keep meeting each other at various cons for the last twelve years. I like Hal a lot, and consider him a future role model for myself. My son and I attended his "kids" panel of fossils, which was really, really interesting., and although the kids enjoyed it, it had a lot going for adults as well. Andrew Iwanico, a sort of "boy wonder" to local cons, hosted some of the anime panels, and asked me to be one them, too. Despite what many people think, if I were to rate my anime knowledge on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being complete absence of knowledge of anime existence and 10 being Anime Deity, I am still about a 2 or 3. Part of this is the time it tales to see so much anime. But I held my own with Keith, Andy, and a girl whose name I so rudely forgot. Keith was really impressed with how I presented myself at panels, and wanted me on some of the other anime panels we do at other conventions. When I told him I rated a 2 or 3, he said, "But you ask some really tough questions and have some very, very mature and clear points." Maybe he needed sleep. :)

I also went to see an MST3K kind of thing for "2001 - A Space Oddessey." They had really realistic Crow and Tom Servo robots, and a great backdrop. The sound, however, really sucked. I could only hear the puppets half the time, and the guy onstage kept fading in and out. The movie part was good, however, and the writers were hysterical. I'll never see that movie the same way again. I had to leave near the middle, though, to check on my son.

I also got to hook up with Irv Koch again. Irv I have known for over a dozen years, but the last five or so we have been out of touch. Last year, I saw that he was hosting a Woldcon in Charolette, North Carolina for 2004. I helped him set up his table, bought a fandom directory and a "Kitty Hawk" cat from him, and promised to be at his party that night. It had been a long time since I had been to a con party, and I looked forward to it. Irv gave me some great advice about hosting a Worldcon bid, and we talked for quite a while.

The nighttime came faster than I would have thought possible and I helped some with Ops again. The con parties went into full swing. I attended a few parties, but either I have gotten too old for them or they aren't as good as they used to be. Most of them were fairly stuffy and boring, but I had to say the food at Charlotte in 2004 was really good, and a small game company called Looney Laboratories had a really cool and decked out party which got an "A" for décor.

Later on, while working Ops Security, I did a few floors patrols and wore my legs out until they felt like rubber. My partner, Andrew (another Andrew) was really, really fast, and I had problems keeping up with him. Our con hotel was also hosting sets of floors for some local Youth Soccer championship, and the night brought pre-teens of both sexes giggling, flirting, and puffing up egos between floors. It was hysterical. The girls were being all sleepover-like giggly and the boys were trying to be all macho. "Oh yeah," I heard one kid claim nonchalantly in an attempt to boast to another group of boys, "I know some eighth graders who know some high school freshmen." It was so hard not to laugh. Boys and girls were mingling in the hotel hallways, hormones a-flarin'. On top of all this, the fourth floor was apparently the "party-out-of-bounds" floor for congoers. Many times, we smelled "smoking matter" and often had to clear the hallways of that floor. Many drunks were seen like wildebeest on a distant field.

The only "bad thing" that happened on my shift was some drunk guy was becoming violent and had some gay issues, apparently. When I saw him, he was just pulled off the floor, and he sat in ops on a chair. We kept urging him to drink water (to prevent alcohol poisoning and so his resulting hangover wouldn't be nearly as bad), which he did. He was really out of it, I mean, he was in that state where he barely had control of his limbs, and forgot what you said seconds afterwards (which is how we could easily convince him to drink water). After not being able to find out who he was, the off-duty police we had (as part of our team) hauled him off to the drunk tank. I hope he turned out ok. I went to bed after that, because it was reminding me of part of my childhood I wanted to forget (my mother was an alcoholic).

We left Sunday morning. I think we were all a little tired.

My final judgment is that they seem to still run a fairly good and solid convention. The only problems I incurred was a little more rudeness than I would have liked in some areas, notably the girl running a Balticon Tee table and some people at registration (this was echoed by many, including other BSFS staff). Also, the comments that they had "better programming" than FanTek cons was certainly dispelled. Some panels were great, but FanTek panels can hold their own, even if their cons are smaller. And the panels I did attend didn't have many people. The topics even seemed the same, although FanTek does tend to have a lot more progressive, if not "new-agey" kind of stuff. The fen seemed to be older on the average, and there are more snobs to be sure, but I doubt BSFS has a charter in their by-laws that says, "we want more snobs." I met many more friendly older people than not.

August 29 - 8500 hits!

Viva Las Vegas

Christine and I spent our 12th wedding anniversary in Las Vegas. It was fun. I had wanted to go ever since I visited Vegas in 1994, and the Discovery Channel (and the sibling channels, like the Travel Channel, Animal Planet, TLC, etc.) had been blaring all kinds of Vegas specials for years. I think it's suspicious, personally, because there are a lot of "Behind the Scenes: Vegas" or "On the Inside: Vegas Security" or "Vegas: Go Now or You're a Loser." Some money is exchanging hands, here. But I digress. I think everyone should got to the little Desert Jewell at least once. Forget the hype and the hoopla. Forget the gambling and the excess. Forget everything you have ever heard, and just go on your own terms, which is what I did in 1994. Of course, then, it was for a Cargo Furniture sales meeting. And it was at the Tropicana (kind of bland). Plus, they had meetings that went from 7am to 7pm the whole time we were there. So I didn't get to see much, but I liked what I saw. It was the scale of everything.

Our travels took us from Dulles Airport in DC to Los Angeles to Las Vegas. Kind of out of the way, if you ask me, but I know it's a AA Hub thing. Rode American Airlines, and the more leg room really does make a difference! In LA, we had to get out of our terminal, go down all these halls, go outside in the smog and dirt and filth that is LA, take a bus to another terminal, and wait. In the shirt time we were behind a filthy, dirty parking garage, waiting for the bus surrounded by hippies and fashion flakes, Christine suddenly said to me, "I LOVE California!" I know it's hopeless at this point, see, because if she says that while watching the WORST of California... She told me her mom always wanted to live there, and actually ran away to California for a few years, but eventually came back. Oy. Looks like I know where some of our future vacations are going.

We stayed at the Luxor, which I also highly recommend as one of the best medium-priced places on the strip. Sure, you can go cheaper, but we wanted a room with a view and a hot tub, and so we stayed in one of their "Jacuzzi suites." The room was nice and clean. Brad travelled with us to Vegas, but he was on a different flight (that sycophant went First Class). We met later in the day, and he gave us his tour of Vegas (he goes a lot).

All in all, the trip was a lot of fun. We got to see the Liberace Museum, which is a lot less tacky than one might think. He had antiques and things to look at, as well as some personal struggles he went through, and the whole museum (which is in a dying shopping center) was rather humble and respectful of him. Elvis-O-Rama, on the other hand, is what exactly you'd expect. I swear, in the next century, someone will start a religion about him.

We also visited the strip during 108 F degree heat. We watched Sigfried and Roy, which is a GREAT show, although they had to stop due to technical difficulties halfway through. We als experienced the Blue Man Group, which you MUST see at all costs if you want to consider yourself any person of character. This is THE show of the century, and part of this is that I don't give stuff away, but just a word of warning: DON'T BE LATE. The show was like an experimental art rave comedy. You must see this. We also watched Brad double his cash pot. He's quite a gambler, and he treated us to the Luxor steak house, and got $75 bottles of wine. We were impressed.

All in all, Vegas was quite a show. We're going back someday, but right now, we have other things to do. Photos are here.

CastleCon

Always an interesting con. I am always torn about some of the things that this con has. First, it's small, which I like because of the intimacy of everyone, but I don't like because my friends who run it are losing money. I want more people to come, but I don't like the hassles of a larger con. In the end, it's Bruce and Cheryl's party, and while I can't agree on everything they do, I will go to their cons until they throw me out.

This being said, I really think FanTek cons are the best little cons anywhere. They have the expertise behind a larger convention, without the security and traffic nightmares. This con brought people I hadn't seen in ages. Many never came to FanTek cons in Fredneck because, we'll, it's Fredneck. Even the people in Fredneck hate it there. Now we are in Northern Virginia again, and it feels great. I saw some old faces and some new ones as well. I did my usual EmCee thing, ran the Art Auction, hosted some panels, did some readings, and gave a tribute to Douglas Adams I think he'd be proud of. I also ran the Katsucon Anime Party in the con suite and spent a lot of time in the art show. Christine ran the art show as spectacularly as always, and it was the cool place to be. I also attended Team Chicken Salad's Sugar Party, and braved the "Chum" but not the "Cheesy Poop."

The hotel was poorly laid out, but this hotel was not Cheryl's first choice: it was her only one when the previous hotel reneged on a contract. But this led to some problems with some of my merchant friends, because the hotel put it on the far end of the building. From the main lobby, you had to go up a spiral staircase, down a hall, past the gift shop, down a long pedestrian walkway, past another function room, then open the double doors to a different building, down past two delis and a congressman's office, turn left, and then there was the second half of the con. For obvious reasons, Cheryl will NOT use this hotel again.

But I had fun, as always, and look forward to future CastleCons and EveCons to come. I encourage anyone reading this to come, because they are cheap, friendly, and really fun. You will always get to see me in my element.

Christopher had his 11th birthday party shortly before I went to Sweden. He's getting quite big, and soon, he won't be a kid anymore. Still, I like being with him, and he feels the same way. because of all this work and travel and so forth, we haven't gotten to be with each other much, so I took him to Otakon with me, where he made a great impression on the Katsu staff.

Uff da! Ya Sveeden...

The big news is I went to Sweden for two weeks at the end of July. I had to finalize some of my grandmother's estate, but I really went to thank everyone for their support of Edit's final days. I also got a lot of Swedish History in, as well as some more Swedish lessons. Photos and a commentary are located here. To summarize, the trip was way awesome. My relatives were way cool. And I was way tired when I got back.

Otakon - Staff vs. the attendees vs. the guests vs. the merchants...

Dear God, what a disaster. My basic complaints are here, but in general, the con was really bad. Last year it wasn't so good, but it got worse. I wrote them a letter, and they actually responded. I may still go next year, but man, I am afraid. Their staff treated people so badly, I am surprised there wasn't any outright mutiny.

Work News

My 12-hour days at work haven't gone unnoticed. I think my record so far is 53 hours a week, according to my boss, whose record is 61. But it was worth a hefty promotion, along with raise. I am well on my way to becoming a fully qualified programmer. I still have to crack that CCNA test, however, when I get time off from work.

Then came massive layoffs. Over 10% of the company was let go. We lost only one guy from our department, but it was really brutal. The stress of this IT employment issue is terrible right now. I know of at least 3 more people since this diary was started that also got canned.

Then I got another raise. This helps a lot, since our stock is swinging pretty low right now. It hasn't tanked like some, mainly because we're not just an ISP, we own lots of other stuff, too. And we're still making a profit because we didn't go gaga with the huge Internet Boom.

These raises came at a good time. I have been hammered with expense after expense. In July, I was doing okay, with stocks and a lot of money left in my savings account. Then after we got back from Vegas, we got hit by one unexpected cost after another. First there was an unexpected vet bill, as Ahfu was due for all his shots at once. Dogs are expensive! When it was all over, I was out over $250 (including flea stuff, heartworm stuff, shots, disease checks and a lot of other preventative maintenance). Then our car broke down. Then insurance went way up on both car and house because my property taxes skyrocketed. Then some medical issues. After just a week, I was down several thousand dollars I hadn't planned for. Now I am living off credit card debt (after I told myself I'd never do that again, UGH!).

The Book

The second book is almost finished... right when I ran out of money. More on this later, but Kris Trader gave me a finished copy that looked great! Now the ball is in my court.

Other News

I went to our friend Dan and April's wedding in Ohio, and it was very cool. Christine went to our friend Brian's wedding with his new wife Lori. I heard it was spectacular. Then my friend Ellen had a baby (her second) and another friend Ben had his first baby. Congrats to everyone!

Due to the financial slowdown, I am not going to Worldcon. I can't afford it. But I will got to Nekocon in Virginia Beach instead, which should be fun.

Thanks to those who offered advice to reduce jpegs in my photo section! I have reduced the total picture load almost 60%, so they now load faster, and I put more up! The quality has not reduced noticeably, either.

September 11

Another Day That Will Live in Infamy...

It's like a bad dream I can't wake up from. I have heard from all of my friends but one who I know may have worked in the Pentagon today. I am too stunned for words, and spent most of today crying. After the attack on the Pentagon, they evacuated my offices pretty quickly, so I got home by 12:30 in the afternoon.

I had to explain this to my son. Christine was trapped in Baltimore but got a way out and was home by about 4 hours later.

I just keep seeing that Trade Center crash over and over and over again in my head. It's like a bad Hollywood movie, like the kind Mel Gibson or Harrison Ford would be in. "Mr. President, terrorists have flown a plane into the World Trade Center." But it's real.

My own timeline:

• 09:03 US EDT - Christine calls me from her cell phone. "A plane crashed into the World Trade Center," she says. I look it up on CNN.Com at work, and see one photo. Then CNN won't respond. I reflect.
• 09:30 US EDT - Christine calls again, and says a second one crashed into the second tower and they suspect terrorists. I try desperately to get news, but I can't get radio from my sealed office, and the news sites are all clogged. I manage to get AP radio, and listen for a while. Then I heard they got the Pentagon. Then all chaos breaks loose at work. Rumors flying everywhere about car bombs in front of the State Department, DC is on fire, and so on. Most turn out to be stupid rumors. Sadly, the photos of the Pentagon are real. I cry for a while in my office, trying to get ahold of friends.
• 10:45 US EDT - My boss comes in, and says that they may evacuate the building. I tell him I don't have a ride home, and he says he'll give me one. He's desperately trying to reach our remote team in Dulles, fearing the worst. Some friends start contacting me to tell me they are okay. I have to console two more friends via IM.
• 11:30 US EDT - Orders for all non-essential personnel to evacuate. We don't look back. I can see the thin plume of smoke from Arlington, but say nothing. My heart is cold, my stomach is clenched in illness, and I finally get home at 12:35. I cried for hours.

I haven't eaten yet. All day. I just can't make myself eat. This is going to change everything. I remember where I was when Reagan was shot, the Challenger blew up (saw that live), and now this. People call it our Pearl Harbor, and I agree. With the exception of those weird Japanese attack balloons in WW2, this is the only attack on mainland US since the War of 1812. This will change how we travel, how we work, and the future of American politics and architecture.

I was inspired by Mayor Rudolph Giuliani's statement, "We will strive now very hard to save as many people as possible and to send a message the City of New York and the United States of America is much stronger than any group of barbaric terrorists." I am inspired by all those who showed up to help and donate blood.

It's also kind of weird that I had just taken some photos of the Manhattan skyline less than two months earlier. CR also took some photos of the "Manhattan" casino in Vegas back in July. After the bombing, I began to notice how many things had the twin towers shown. The beginning of Saturday Night Live, The Daily Show, and The Late Show with David Letterman. I wonder when we'll be able to make jokes about it again. We really took those buildings for granted.

Hardly seems appropriate to mention this, but my computer died the Sunday before Labor Day. My PII 400, which has seen me through many years of upgrades and stuff, overheated due to a blocked PS fan that just up and died. The power supply quickly overheated, then the motherboard and chip died. Well, got mortally wounded. I can only stay booted up on it for a few minutes at a time before it seizes. The fan makes a "Grrr-rrr-rr-[choke gasp wheeze] -rr-rrrr---" noise.

Luckily, MANY people came to my rescue. They gave me leads, and my friend Brad, who stuns me with his ability to just solve problems out of the blue, said, "I have this AMD 800 I can't boot up, want it?" Now, keep in mind, this Athalon processor came with 256MB RAM, 30GB hard drive, SoundBlaster Live (with front panel), a GForce2 256 graphics card, DVD, CD-RW, and all kinds of software, and it was mine on permaloan... providing I could fix it. That was a task that took a lot of thinking, several hours of testing, many hours of frustration, giving up three times, and then finally fixing it by the really confusing and slightly worrisome method of just pulling it all apart and putting it back together. Must have been a short. I hope this machine lasts long enough until I build a new one. But don't get me wrong, this is a fine, fine replacement! :)

November 14th, 2001 - 9000 hits!

Before I begin this horrendous entry, let me also add in that yes, I was aware my site was down for a few days. Frst, it was completely down, then the IP forwarding was off, and my sites directed you to www.chaosart.com (the site hosting my domains). I am not sure why this happened, but Simon (this box's owner) will explain when he gets time.

What can I say? I think I have had a curse or hex put on me. My mind tries to think of rationalizations about this past month, but I can make no sense of it at all. I feel bad about so many things, but brain can barely hold it together. Several times in the past weeks my "dream trigger" keeps going off. I have a safety device for all my dreams. I got it somehow after I got married. When I have a bad dream, a trigger, or tripwire is activated where I realize that I am dreaming, and then I wake up. Kind of nice to have when giant wasps are chasing me into dark forest, and I don't have pants. But it sucks when it goes off... and you realize it's all real, baby.

I have watched enough Star Trek to think to myself, "Computer! End program." But this holodeck won't turn off.

The first time this happened was September 11th. This makes sense. When was the last time in my sorry little existence something so horrible happened? I am lucky I didn't know anyone that got killed. But then it went off again just before Nekocon. But let me go back a bit.

Late September, I fell down a flight of stairs with a large back of cat sand. Ouch. I hurt my back. I am always doing crap like tripping or falling. To hear my wife call after me may sound like she's being patronizing, but she knows I could get hurt on the seemingly simple journey of going to the kitchen from the bedroom. And lately, weird crap keeps happening to me. The cat sand fall was one of them because someone had left an empty Ziplock back on the stairs. In my socks, I slid, landed on my back, and fell down a flight of stairs like a soap bar on a washboard. My head hit each and every stair. But like I said, I am used to this stuff happening to me. I was injured so many times as a child, I learned to heal fast. And this would have been just another forgotten moment had it not been for a series of events to follow.

Part of hurting yourself is to get better. Lie down, get some rest. But work has been hectic. I have been working 10 hours days for weeks on end. When I get home, I am so tired that I just want to lie down and sleep. My back was not getting the attention it deserved. But it slowly began to heal. Then at work two guys who were supposed to help me install a set of computer racks flaked. So I had to do it myself, and re-hurt my back. And then it seemed that everything would "re-hurt" it. My back would feel fine, and then I would bend funny to pick up a laundry basket, and POW! Hot pain. Over and over. But I learned to not pick up heavy things, change my sitting position at work, and other tricks to help heal.

Oreo got sick. He had some sort of problem with... well, let's keep this gentle in case you are eating. His rear end wasn't so good. It looked infected. So we took him to the vet where they kept him for two days. Prognosis was iffy. His tummy and rear end were at war for some reason, and they gave him some laxative, antibiotics, and some other meds. Boy, that cat hates taking pills. It was a war. I got bitten and scratched more than I care to think about. But he did start to get a little better, but he was avoiding us for obvious reasons.

... ooh... anthrax is everywhere. I used to have dreams as a kid about nuclear Armageddon. After the September 11 attacks, I keep remembering the dust and haze, and think about those dreams. Part of my night terrors as a kid was that because of the apocalypse, medicine was hard to come by, and people were dying of cholera, terburculosis, and biological and chemical weapons. This fear gnawed at my stomach. Logic may tell me I was in no real danger, and that I would have a much more likely chance of being killed in a car accident, but I fear anyway. The emotions I grasp onto to avoid becoming a heartless logical Vulcan are turning on me. Because my childhood was so terrifying and brutal, when I got out into the real world, I realized that my emotions were in real threat of dying off, and I'd become like my own father. I may lose fear, pain, and anger... but also lose happiness, joy, compassion, and empathy. I am still afraid to be truly happy, fearing I will be punished. But, I press on with these problems, and try and tell my inner child if we died of anthrax or smallpox, it wouldn't be as bad as... my childhood. That scares my inner child enough to shut him up. Nothing is worse than the hell I used to live in. Think this life is bad? Remember... junior high? AAAUUGGH!! MAKE IT STOP!

Speaking of kids, I will use this unsubtle segue to mention that Christopher had something wrong with his foot. Bumps were growing inside the padding of his foot, he had developed a bad limp, and he needed surgery to get them out. So finally, we got a time and place, took him to a foot surgeon, and they operated on him and removed the bumps. His foot was heavily wrapped, and we had to keep an eye on it to make sure the bumps didn't grow back. No walking for several days, and we had to change his bandages twice a day. He got better.

The came Nekocon. My back was only a little sore now. It hurt to get out of chairs, but I could manage. I was looking forward to a little rest and relaxation with friends. Besides, they needed help, and as long as it didn't involve lifting, I'd be fine. We got a dog sitter, got the car packed up, and Christine asked if I could carry the dog crate down to the car. The dog crate is a very heavy collapsible wire cage our doggie sleeps in at night. It's kind of like his den. While it is probably not really heavy, even folded, it's large, unwieldy, and a big strain. In a move I will regret for the rest of my life, I told Christine that I couldn't carry the crate, or risk re-hurting my back again. So she did it.

I was in my den, gathering some music to play in the car, when I heard the crash of a dog crate and a terrifying scream. Christine had fallen down the concrete stairs with the crate. She was screaming in pain, told me to call 911, and she had broken her legs. Well, the ambulance came and took her away. I got a ride from a friend and saw her in the bed, all wrapped up. Prognosis was bad: her left ankle was broken in two places with bone fragments here and there. Her right leg and right knee were badly sprained. No Nekocon for us. The dream trigger kept popping over and over again, but I still haven't woken up.

So I had to help Christine as best I could. Christopher couldn't do a whole lot because of his foot, and we have no family that can help. So I had to do a lot of lifting and straining and without fail my back went out. But no rest for me! More straining. More pain. Other muscles, in a desperate attempt to compensate, took over lifting me upright. My legs and stomach were cramping under the new stress. My old neck injury flared up. Things started to swell, and as I type this, my left side is partially numb, my back feels like it has a huge hot lump where my kidneys are, and I can't feel my neck anymore. Pain finally gave way to a hot, numb feeling. My ulcer flared up stronger than it had been since I was a kid, and I had the usual symptoms associated with that. So I have to be VERY careful what I eat for a while.

No Halloween, either. Halloween night I was waiting for Christine to come back from surgery, and not many kids showed up, anyway. How depressing. Only 7 kids showed up in two small bunches. We didn't get a chance to decorate, and many houses didn't give out candy in respect for the recent events. I hope Halloween doesn't die.

Then Oreo took a turn for the worse. But we could drive to the vet to have him checked again, and when we finally got a ride, Oreo was too sick to go on. He was put to sleep Friday, November 8th, at the age of 6. By the time he was gone, he had lost so much weight, you could feel the skull plates in his head. His rear end wounds looked like he'd been hit by a shotgun. There was no going back. His final days he lost bowel control all together, and well, our house sure took a serious hit. Add to the fact I couldn't clean the house in the pain I was in, and you can imagine the mess. This was not how Oreo was supposed to go. I would gladly take the new couch that was ruined and toss it out the window if I could get Oreo back. He died too young. He died too much in pain. The day they put him to sleep was the first day he'd purred in a while, he was so happy not to be in pain. The house seems to empty without him. Oreo, I miss you. I miss your purrbox and wimpy meow. I miss your bad left eye and weird hip. I miss calling your name, and seeing you struggle to get up and waddle on over to purr and lick me while I brushed and combed that shedding coat of yours.

My birthday party was supposed to be the next day. I didn't feel like it when Christine fell, and I certainly didn't feel like it now. But it was too late to cancel, since people were traveling from far and wide to see me. I did my best to keep up appearances, and Christine tried not to be in pain. Friends helped us clean up, and I feel real bad about it. The house was really in bad shape. But the party went better than I expected. I wasn't all weepy and depressed, and I actually had a good time, despite everything.

We weren't alone through this. People did help us out. We had a friends that did shopping for us, drove us to the doctors or the vet, gave me rides to work, and all manner of things. Gay, Brian, Lori, Travis, Jeni, Rogue, and a bunch of other people came several times a week to help us with what we needed. Gay helped us even though she's sick, too. Lori and Brian gave us valuable vet help. Travis built us a bed table. Jeni bought us Lobo(...bo bo bo) the magic parrot. Rogue got us all to the vet to say goodbye to Oreo. I still hold by my statement that friends are more valuable than money. I have had both, and there is no contest.

Nekocon went by without us. The con had quite a few people, and went fairly well. I am WAY behind on all my Katsucon stuff, since I haven't been able to get to a Post office box. Don't ask me about my book.

Some good news during all this hell did come. We refinanced our house because the Interest rates were insanely low. This is how we started: two loans, an 80/20 split for a fixed 30 year rate where the 20% was a balloon payment. We didn't agree to this, but the bank did this to us *at the bargaining table with the sellers*. Yeah, we could have walked out, but we wanted the house. Plus the bank didn't show up for the mediator meeting. Jerks. Anyway, in one year, our loans were bought and sold to over four different companies. No lie! I know that loans get bought and sold, but that many times in one year? So we went with an American Express PPH loan, and the deal was sweet. We got a much lower rate with only one point, and because we were Amex members, we didn't have to pay any fees. So our total house loan dropped about 40%, our monthly payment went down about 15%, we pay it off in 15 years, and we got some money back in a check. Awesome!

Plus Jesse Ricklaw did another one of my dreams. Catch it on his site, Slow Wave.

I hope my next entry is better. Halloween and my birthday this year are the worst ever. Even counting the ones where my mother was drunk. But I guess it's all in perspective. Remember... HIGH SCHOOL GYM??? IIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!