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04/26/2004 Entry: "Better to have job and lost than to never know anything at all..." Well, the worst has happened. No, no one got laid off. Nothing happened. That's the worst, because you know it's coming, but now it's like the silence before the attack, the whistle before the bomb explodes, and the silence is deafening. I'd rather have some moment of chaos and it be over with, but now it's just hanging in the air. God dammit! I swear my ulcer is on fire. We have this huge, mandatory "all hands" meeting tomorrow where no laptops, PDAs, or any recording devices are allowed. Normally, this isn't such a bad thing, I mean, they have these meetings twice a year. But now since nothing happened today, people are going, "Okay, the meeting is where they are going to can the whole lot of us." I doubt that. First of all, it's never been their style to do that. "There's always a first," is the reply. Because, you know, the sky is falling and all. In any normal situation, this would mean nothing more than, "Oh, gahd! I am going to be sooo bored!" But now we're all second-guessing every blip on the radar, and I am second-guessing the second-guessing. I don't even know how likely anything is, or whether we're living under a cloud of meaningless fear. This totally sucks.