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04/20/2004 Entry: "The types of people who don't refill the coffeemaker" In the kitchen at work, we have a huge coffeemaker. All of our coffeemakers used to be 4-pot clear decanter systems seen in diners all over America, but now they have two tall "airpot" cylinders, and kind of look like the system I have pictured to the left. When I first started working in an office, one of the first rules of etiquette I ever acquired was "If you kill the Jo, make some mo!" Okay, that's what "Terrible Terry Tate" says, as evidenced by a sign some joker lovingly put up in the kitchen. I believe what I was actually taught was, "If the coffee level is low when you are done, brew a new pot so when someone wants more coffee, it's already made." I have always liked doing this because I feel like I am doing a favor for a stranger. Of course, as many of you already know, many selfish bastards just leave it empty. So you have to set up a new pot, get the filter, the grounds, put it together, run the hot water, and put the pot back on the hotplate, and then wait. Your 5 second cup of coffee just turned into a 5 minute ordeal. The actual setup is really easy on these new machines. 1. Remove filter holder from maker, dump old grounds and filter in trash by tipping over filter holder over trash can. 2. Put in a new paper filter, add one pre-measured packet of coffee grounds, and place back in maker. 3. Making sure airpot is underneath the spout, push the "Start" button. That takes all of 10-20 seconds. Waiting for the decanter to fill takes 5 minutes, but the decanter on this model has a gauge on the side, and when you place your cup under the decanter spigot, wait for the "1 cup" to show up, you press a tab, and fresh, hot coffee comes out into your mug. Normally, I never see these mysterious selfish people who just leave a decanter sitting empty. I am not the only one who is ticked about this, as evidenced by the Terrible Terry Tate poster, but today, I actually saw two people in the kitchen, chatting about something they did to someone the didn't like. I wasn't sure who or what was done, because I came during the end of the conversation, and when they saw me, they stopped, and left the kitchen. Sort of like this: Guy1: ... so that's when I put his words on the line. Guy2: Well, you have to do what you have to do. Guy1: Get this, he actually shows up to the meeting, anyway. You'd think after that, he'd never show his face around me again. Guy2: I don't believe it. Guy1: And if he ever tries to show me up again, I'll... [sees me, drops to whisper] ... anyway, it's over. He'll be gone soon. Guy2: Yeah. I can't wait. I don't think they were talking about me, because the conversation ended more like, "Maybe this shouldn't be public," not "Oh, crap, there he is!" But the snobbery that these two gents showed didn't give me confidence they gave something to someone who "had it coming." They are those kinds of people who joined the tech industry for the money angle, not because they like computers. I saw nurses and doctors like that in Jacksonhell. Like, "God, I hate patients. They are always whining or sick or something!" I see these guys saying, "Man, I hate working with nerds," a lot. We don't have many of them in our company, but we have had more slink around after the merger a few years ago. You know their offices because they are usually pretty plain, with pictures of fast cars, sports memorabilia, and generic small plants ... but little else. Like a stoic male jock forced to survive in a terrifying nerd world. They only have one computer, usually a laptop, on their desk, and nothing else technological, like they are only interested in technology if they have to use it (which stands out, since we're a testing lab, everyone else's office looks like a bomb went off in a file cabinet, and they have enough spare parts lying around to make two sophisticated robots...or four uncouth ones). They always wear nice shirts and matching slacks with dress shoes. They don't wear ties, because that's like an offense punishable by death around here, but you can tell by the shirts they wear that it's begging to be reunited with its lost tie and sport coat. If it's not an unbuttoned Oxford, it's usually a polo with a sports logo or something. Their hair is always short and streamlined, unless they are older, then they may have a hair transplant or toupee (rare, average age around here is probably like 35). Like they could step right outside the front gate, be handed a golf club and visor for a stagehand off camera, and stroll right into a golf course with Arnold Palmer. "I say, good weather we're having, Arnie. As I was saying to my trophy wife, 'The sun in your $120 hair style just positively glows like the horizon, lovey, like a big ... big golden BMW!' Ah, good times." They gloss over or blank out when you try and explain things to them. It's so obvious they don't like tech. A few rare ones try to patronize you, in a desperate attempt to look superior, but often just slowly repeating what they just said back at them often shuts them right up. I'm not sure why this works, but just going, "So you have just said that I don't know what I am doing, and you are going to report this to my boss? Interesting. May I quote you on that? How about we both go down and see him together, and you can explain why you feel that way..." will be enough, unless I really didn't know what I was talking about (but so far, things around here haven't gotten so bad that just saying, "I have no idea what you just said," isn't a negative smear on your character). I'd like to say these people have names like "Chet" and "Biff," but they don't, actually. Usually they have really ultra-common biblical names like Dave or Joe. I don't think I have met anyone from "Hah-vahd" yet, but you'd think they came from such a place the way the display their diplomas from UVA and UCLA. The only other people who put diplomas on the wall are usually VA Tech and MIT grads, usually right behind their five-foot cardboard Wolverine standup, pile of space-themed Legos, and anime figurines. These Daves and Joes just don't belong. And I don't mean that as a "get out, foul cretin!" sort of way, I mean that like, "You know what... ahh ... how do I say this? Okay, you're just not working out. You don't fit in, you don't like the people you work with, and you don't understand what we do." A lot of those people have come and gone for that reason, over the years. "Chet has moved on to other hozions and opportunities," as they say in such "general announcements." But back to these two, who still work here. I noticed they were drinking coffee, and as they left, one of the guys refilled his cup, and said in a disappointed tone, "Awww ... all gone." And they left. Leaving me to fill the pot. No one could have taken the 10-20 seconds to risk staining an Oxford white cuff by refilling the pot and let it fill while standing there, chatting? Asshats. I hope your BMW gets a flat.