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01/23/2004 Entry: "Paging Donnalee..." I used to have this friend, Donnalee McLeod. She was awesome. A very caring and intelligent person, a writer, and she did puppet shows for small children in church. I knew her since sixth grade, and became friends with her when I was asked to be her Algebra tutor in high school. Her mother was... leery... of me, and suspected at any time she left us alone, we'd be snogging on the couch. Now truth to be told, I did start to have a crush on her, but before it developed into anything serious, she moved away. Before she moved, she introduced me to Kate, who became my best friend all throughout high school. I saw Donnalee once more when she came back to visit, and then I sent her some flowers on Valentine's day when I was 19. We wrote to each other a lot, but then we both lost touch as high school friends often do. I don't think about her that much, except as the friend I lost due to drifting apart, and I wonder what ever happened to her (I can't find her on the Internet). So I had this weird dream the other night I was in a cafe/diner in downtown DC, and I saw that she was a waitress. A bitter and angry waitress. She was wearing a diner uniform from the 1960s or something, and walked around like she was just totally pissed off at everyone. I wanted to talk to her, but she totally ignored me. I didn't press the issue, but I was upset. I also saw that the cafe was packed, and the tables couldn't get cleaned up in time for other patrons. So I started to clean up the tables. The manager on shift asked me if I wanted a job, and since I was looking for part-time work, I agreed. She took me into the back, and we had an interview. Quickly, she determined that I was "too overqualified" to be a busboy, but they needed a night manager to balance the books and close, and could only afford a part-timer for that. I used to be a retail manager, so I cheerfully agreed, and when Donnalee came where we were, the manager said, "Hey, Donnalee. We got a new night manager!" Donnalee angry screamed at me, "Stop STALKING ME!" and walked out. The manager sighed and said, "I am going to have to fire her soon." I pleaded Donnalee's case, saying I knew her back in high school, and she wasn't always this way. The manager explained that Donnalee had been working there for a while, and was getting worse and worse towards employees and patrons. I didn't know why Donnalee was so angry, or why she thought I was stalking her, but suddenly, working there didn't seem so appealing. The manager said for me to think about it, and as I was walking out of the cafe, I saw Donnalee on the front stoop, smoking a cigarette (she didn't smoke when I knew her). As I passed by her, she spat out, "And I don't need your PITY, either!" I rarely have dreams so literal, and very rarely do friends enter into them. It's even rarer still that I recall them days later. I have no idea what this dream means. I doubt it's to be taken literally, like I doubt Donnalee would be a waitress right now, and I don't think she's mad at me. I try and to the "I am" exercise I learned in meditation. Like "I am a cafe. I need cleaned. I am Donnalee. I am stalking myself..." but that's not yielding anything useful. Donnalee? If you are out there, call me, and tell me you're okay.