[ Previous entry: "Flame on!" ] [Main Index] [ Next entry: "... And Wil Wheaton responds!" ]

12/10/2003 Entry: "Children of the December Sorrow" I have to pause here because VB.NET is just so frustrating. I hate Microsoft products so much, I wouldn't be surprised if it gave me a heart attack one day. Anyway, it looks like Christine's party is going have guests after all! After the initial sendout, a lot of people either waffled or said they couldn't come, but now that's starting to change. The guest list was 21 invited (expecting 15 to show), and then it was down to 4, but now it's crept back up to about 20. I really hope this goes well! We're going to Hama Sushi, which is a small sushi restaurant nearby that wins awards every year for the area's best sushi. That's no small feat. And it is deserved. But of course, the underlying frustration is that having a birthday near, or in Christine and our friend Moria's case, ON Christmas ... totally, irrevocably, sucks. I can only say it sucks by proxy because my birthday was only after first quarter's report cards came out a week earlier. This sucked because there was always an air of disappointment in the house that I was not a straight-A student, and so my birthday was a kind of "regretful pardon" like the kind you give to a Mafia don who got off because of a technicality. But that pales in comparison to having a birthday near or on Christmas. The first thing you notice as a kid is that no one ever remembers. The holiday hustle and bustle robs your chance of celebrating your birth. It's like celebrating it with a more popular twin. It's also bloody hard to get guests because people are always going to holiday parties, or they are out of town with relatives. The closer to Christmas you are born, the more likely your party has to be a week or more away from the actual date. Birthday parties lose magic when they are held off-kilter to the actual day. I mean, if you birthday falls on a Wednesday, and you have the party on a Saturday before or after, that's not so bad. But if you date falls on Dec 24th, and you are forced to hold it the weekend of Dec 3rd, or January 8th ... it feels like you've been cheated. Like you've been bumped from the schedule as unimportant, secondary lodge meeting. Christine's own mom forgot her daughter's birthday several times. Her own mom, and in the house growing up, there was only the two of them. This is how bad it can get. The second terrible thing is the gift department. This totally sucks as a kid, when gifts are everything. You have no job, no money, and unless your parents are wealthy and you have an allowance, you really have no way to get anything you want. Thus, you depend on others to get them for you, and already you're at a disadvantage. Most American kids get gifts on three days a year: Christmas, Easter, and their birthday. Easter is usually a small basket of candy, maybe a toy or two, so the other two account for maybe 90% of what you receive. Now, if you are unlucky enough to have your birthday near Christmas, many people give you one gift as "both a Christmas and a birthday present." Usually with a stupid grin. Rarely is the gift worth two. It's like they are taking advantage of your situation and saving a few bucks in the process. As the kids used to say, "What a gyp!" In statistical terms, that's 45% of your income gone. Almost half. I am not so sure if being Jewish makes it better. Bruce? So now you feel forgotten and cheated. What could make it worse? Patronization. "You must feel so lucky to celebrate your birthday with the baby Jesus," and "You were a special present for your mom and dad." No. It is not special. You do not understand at all. Let's cancel your birthday, give you a "combo gift" on another unrelated day, and then see how special YOU feel. But you can't say anything because you look bad, ungrateful, and bitter. So I want to be that voice for them. I want to stand up for those who are tired of losing 45% of what circumstance has taken from them. I want to start a sensitivity campaign for Christine, Moria, Bruce, and those others who may have felt cheated, alone, and depressed on the holiday season due to circumstances beyond their control. I'll call it, "Children of the December Sorrow." You can help! Make a point to remember the actual birthday. Make a phone call, send an e-mail, do something that only mentions the birthday, on the birthday, and don't mention Christmas at all. Treat Christmas in the conversation like an uncomfortable memory you wouldn't bring up unless they do. Never give a "combo gift." Get two gifts, or if you can only afford one because of your holiday spending spree, most Children of the December Sorrow would rather get a birthday gift than a Christmas one. Never, ever mention having a birthday near Christmas as a good thing. If you ask, "When's your birthday?" and they say, "December 23rd," go, "Oh, I am so sorry..." and buy them some chocolate. Immediately. Together, we can help a few of them not feel so bad.