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12/08/2003 Entry: "Mawwage... mawwage is bwot bwings uff togevaa... todaay...."
Some recently asked in a discussion, "So for those who are married: is it what you thought it would be? Did it surprise you - good or bad? Would you do it again?" Good question. Mine was no, yes, and yes. I can't say marriage is "what I thought it would be" because I didn't go into it thinking "it will be this and that and beer and skittles." No, I distinctly said something to the effect of, "I will see what happens, and try and work it towards the common good." I had never been married before, but I had seen many times what DIDN'T work, and so I decided to use that, and find something that did. The first few years had some bounces and we matured, but with all our troubles, all we had was each other, so we grew together. I have respected Christine as an equal partner. I do not judge her mistakes, nor do I think she's vindictive or neglectful. Maybe I'm just lucky. The biggest "anti-models" were my own parents of course. My father was pretty mean and distant, and my mother was living in Fantasy Land that everything would be okay if we'd just appreciate what we still had. Some of my friends had it even worse. I have always wondered if a divorce would have been good for me, if I didn't know then what I knew now. Some of my friends didn't have to wonder. I had a friend who had a Jewish mother and a Catholic father, both freshly divorced, and neither wanted to be a parent anymore, but demanded that their religion be the "guiding factor in Junior's life." Some of my friends had several step-dads, even in addition to their biological dad, whom they may or may not have ever met. I once stayed overnight at a house where the father, a retired army man, treated everyone in his family like "recruits," down to inspection and morning Revile. Many had homes where a single, working mom, left them notes with cash on the fridge. We've had a few surprises. Most I won't go into here, but I think the biggest one for me was that she actually stayed. I am not the best person in the world to get along with sometimes. I am naive, somewhat dimwitted when it comes to understanding people, I don't clean the house as frequently as I should, I am not as good a cook as she is, I have weird allergies, I have a lot of childhood baggage, I am not particularly usefully talented, nor a good strong manly-man, and I have oddball friends, and tend to be too logical at the wrong moments. Most women would have left me, and I knew that then, and know that now. But she stayed, and doesn't even complain about it. She loves me, and I mean, truly loves me. That makes me feel so good, I couldn't even tell you. Would I do it again? Hell yes! Of course, I have mixed feeling about "if I knew then what I know now," because sometimes, being dumb and making mistakes at the right moments can have its advantages. I always have advice for people thinking about getting married. I have no idea if it's useful, but a lot of it was passed on to me, so I feel I should pass it on to you. Sorry it's kind of random. - Take the top ten annoying things about your future spouse, and magnify it ten times. Imagine you have to spend the rest of your life with it. If that's still okay (and you aren't stubbornly in denial to prove something to someone else), you'll be okay. - Imagine if your future mate became grossly disfigured and disabled. Would you stay with them? The answer should be, "Well, DUH!" or something close to that, with no pauses. - Stop all games. You both need to say how you feel, without using the other's care for you as a tool of manipulation. Games like "Guess why I am mad?" and "If I do this, you'll think that" are totally useless and childish. Same with revenge games. Leave patronization and sarcasm for the snobs, who need them to bolster up their shields to disguise the fact they don't know as much as they think others should. - Marry someone for what they really are, not what they look like or how you'll "mold them." That guy who cheats on you while dating WILL cheat on you when he gets married, too. The girl who looks like a model now will not after she carries your child, ages, and gets the flu. Wants to be babied? Will always wanted to be babied. And unless they have an Oedipus complex, in a few years, they will be cheating on you because you replaced the mommy figure, and now they'll want to wander for a new sex toy. - Understand equality is not a 50/50 on everything. Some of you will be good at some things, while the spouse may be better at others. You should complement each other's talents. If you spend you life balancing out who last walked the dog, you're in a contract, not a partnership, and contracts are a lot easier to break. - Let your spouse have their own social life in addition to sharing. This is how new thoughts, ideas, and conversation enter into the relationship. You don't have to spend 100% of the time with each other, or you will get sick of each other. - Show interest and foster new talents and crafts in your spouse. Same reasons as above. - Catch them doing something right more that something wrong. - Keep in mind those that write self-help books and articles are often divorced and have no idea what goes on in YOUR specific home. I don't care of they have a Ph.D. in General Cleverness, throw the book away and use common sense! - Stop reading this and go make out with your loved one!
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The Peanut Gallery responds with: 14 comments
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OMGz!!!! Christine! I don't think I can remember ever hearing you use profanity. Jesus wept! That little weasel-boy doesn't deserve to have gotten that big a rise out of you. Dude...Weasel7, I mean Trinity7, chill the freak out, man. What IS it with pinheads like you that makes you need to crawl out of the network to try to pounce on poor ole Punkie this way? Are you just not getting laid? Are you just so envious that Punkie has a good, strong family and a lot of love aimed in his direction that you feel that attacking him on his blog will bring him closer to YOUR world of boredom and misery? Man... what's wrong with these sorry people? *huff!* FFS, losers, stop messing with the Punkie. He never did anything to you. Posted by Little Miss Grimm @ 12/13/2003 01:36 AM EST |
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Side note: This is a good example of how my wife and I stick up for each other. Oh, and Webpixie? Good point. I'll try and use the word "blog" from now on to reduce confusion. Posted by Punkie @ 12/12/2003 10:08 PM EST |
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Journalists or journallers? I'm getting confused here. (To me, journalists = writing for a pay publication, like a newspaper or magazine, journallers = bloggers or whatnot.) Somewhere around the 4th or 5th comment, there was a flip, and it's blowing my li'l mind.
Posted by Chikin's girl @ 12/09/2003 05:33 PM EST |
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Jesus Christ, ya freak. It wasn't Punkie that posted the comment, it was me, his wife Christine. Although, considering the craziness that you've been writing, you probably won't believe that either. So, go on living your boring little world where you have to make up sh!t about OTHER PEOPLES BLOGS so that you can make your life a little more exciting. It's rather entertaining to know that there are people like you in the world. So, now, fu@k off. And if you have a problem with what I write, my email is listed, have the balls to leave him alone and try to come up against me. I'll rock your fucking small minded world. Posted by Christine Larson @ 12/09/2003 04:11 PM EST |
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Man, you know how to get under someone's skin, don't you? Your = Possessive, like "Your problems are beyond the scope of this page" Ahhhh... that's better. Come on, Colorado can't be THAT boring, can it? Or is your job there so dull, you spend your lunch hour posting to blogs, hoping your Work's Nortel VPN will keep you anonymous? Nice building, BTW... or is it? [dun dun DUNNNN!] Oh, and being called crazy by you? Made my day. I'm going to be in a happy mood for a long time. I am so telling everyone about this. Peace. Posted by Punkie @ 12/09/2003 03:52 PM EST |
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Wow....talk about crazy....no wonder you got kicked off of another BBS. I guess thats your pattern tho....
Posted by Trinity7 @ 12/09/2003 03:12 PM EST |
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Man... must be interesting to live in such a world of espionage and intrigue. Everyone is two-faced, or are they? Your best friend might be your worst enemy, that person who poisoned the well was [cue organ music] OLD MAN SMITHERS! The kindly gardener, who would have suspected? Wait a minute, that's a mask, old man Smithers is... [dun dun DUUUUUN!] ... mother? How COULD you? I bet the soundtrack to your world has a lot dramatic pauses. Good lighting angles from below and everything. Who does your makeup? It looks great! Why not do this, stick to your detective dime magazines, your TV cop dramas, or go out and meet some real people. You may find that groups of people who have the a disagreement with you are not actually getting the same commands from the same mothership, okay? [audience gasp that people are different - what will the commercial sponsors say? Will they pull out their endorsements? Tune in next week...] And for the record? This is my blog. If I thought journalists sucked (which would be total irony I am giggling as I speak this), I would have said so in the first place, not obscured it by an alias in my comments section. Big DUH there! But I guess it's all about you, and how people are following YOU, huh? Like you are so important, I'd go around trying to trick you, if it were not so darned clever. Grow up! And think of this... you took time, time out of your day and life, to not only care enough about this to think I would have made it all up, but to actually post it... for whom? Me? Some unseen audience? Who are you talking to? Hell, who am *I* talking to? [ba-DUM tsssh] Posted by Punkie, and not anyone else @ 12/09/2003 02:56 PM EST |
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Well Punkie (Bear) I still think your pretty twofaced to say those journalists are cool and then pretennd you didnt say they are small minded idiots and it makes TOTAL sense that you got kicked off....your even lying about the things YOU said!!!
Posted by Trinity7 @ 12/09/2003 02:33 PM EST |
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No, someone else said they were small minded an idiotic. The comments section is open to anyone who wants to make comments, but fights like these make me question that decision. See the comments section is for people, like you Trinity7, to say what they want, so I can learn from others who have thoughts to add to my journal. Not for me. I only post here, under "Punkie," for moments like these where I feel I have to step in. Your fight seems to be misplaced. I love the journalers. "Who's the Bear Now?" did not, or at least I think he or she just didn't like the people on that board. That's their opinion, not mine, just like you continuing this attack on me is your decision, not mine. Although if you or "Who's the Bear Now?" starts another row, I am tossing both out of the bar. ;-) Peace, people, peace. Posted by Punkie @ 12/09/2003 02:23 PM EST |
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But YOU said they were kick-ass journalists and then YOU said they are small minded and iditoic!!! I SO understand why you were kicked out....loyalty??....yeah RIGHT!!!
Posted by Trinity7 @ 12/09/2003 01:59 PM EST |
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Please adjust your sarcasm filters. I can't tell who's saying what anymore. If you two want to fight among each other, please do it off this comments section. An no Journaler has to be "loyal" to anyone, myself included. It's not like I am their Lord and Master. In fact, it's because they have free minds that I respect them, even if we disagree. This isn't Fantasyland here. Posted by Punkie @ 12/09/2003 01:46 PM EST |
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With commets like that now I see why you were kicked off....So much for your LOYALTY to all those journalers....
Posted by Trinity7 @ 12/09/2003 12:29 PM EST |
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Yeah, it's too bad that there are small minded, idiotic people in the world. He has a wealth of knowledge to share and maybe some of the not so small minded people there could have learned something. Oh well!! Sucks to be them.
Posted by Who's the Bear Now? @ 12/08/2003 08:01 PM EST |
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Its too bad your not allowed to post in that BBS discussion about being married!! Oh well!!
Posted by Trinity7 @ 12/08/2003 01:44 AM EST |
