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08/26/2003 Entry: "Self-fulfilling Prophesies"

"Oh, oh, oh!" shouted the Queen, shaking her hand about as if she
wanted to shake it off. "My finger's bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh!"

Her screams were so exactly like the whistle of a steam-engine,
that Alice had to hold both her hands over her ears.

"What IS the matter?" she said, as soon as there was a chance of
making herself heard. "Have you pricked your finger?"

"I haven't pricked it YET," the Queen said, "but I soon shall--
oh, oh, oh!"

"When do you expect to do it?' Alice asked, feeling very much
inclined to laugh.

"When I fasten my shawl again," the poor Queen groaned out:
"the brooch will come undone directly. Oh, oh!" As she said the
words the brooch flew open, and the Queen clutched wildly at it,
and tried to clasp it again.

"Take care!" cried Alice. "You're holding it all crooked!" And she
caught at the brooch; but it was too late: the pin had slipped,
and the Queen had pricked her finger.

- from Chapter 5 of "Through the Looking Glass (And what Alice Found There)" by Lewis Carroll

I have met people like the White Queen from time to time. People who become so obsessed about how things will end that their obsession eventually becomes the end, as they predicted. Like people who assume every relationship will end up badly, that they drive any potential mates away.

And so I lost a friend today. Her name is Sara A. (not you, Sara T., my Scorpion Sista!, or any other Sara/h I know). Sara A. is actually close to her real name (I guess, that's her online name), and I only use it here because I want her to know, this time, I certainly AM talking about her. I feel bad about losing a friend, it doesn't happen often, but Sara feels I have been constantly talking bad about her behind her back. I had reassured her that I wasn't saying anything bad about her, or trying to backstab her, and I certainly wasn't writing in my blog about her, but when I was discussing things about Keith R., or someone's Everquest Guild (Brad, I am still looking in your direction), or just some random conversation with a friend who did not give me permission to use their name ... she thinks I am talking about her. And then claims I got the facts wrong.

Imagine this scenario:

Bill: Hey! Did you hear about my brother Jack? He was catching a fish, and fell right out of the boat! How funny!
Punk: I have no idea what you are talking about, I have NEVER fallen out of a boat fishing.
Bill: I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about Jack.
Punk:: But you really meant me. I don't think it's "funny" at all. Stop spreading lies about me!
Bill: Dude. Punk. I was talking about my brother Jack! Not PUNK!
Punk: Prove it. Get this "Jack" on the phone, and prove he's your brother!
Bill: Ah, no. That would be stupid.
Punk: See, that proves you are a liar.
Bill: No, it proves you are a paranoid freak.
Punk: There is no "Jack." I know because I have fished many times, and never once have I fallen in the water.
Bill: Wow. Time to adjust your Lithium, man.

... or here's another scenario (one of my favorite jokes):

This guy is taking a personality test in the psychiatrist's office. The doctor shows him an inkblot and tells him to say what it reminds him of. The man says, "sex." The doctor takes notes of this, and shows him another. Again, the guy says, "sex." After about a dozen of these, the doctor says, "It's obvious you have some sort of sexual fixation issue." The man says, "Me?? You're the one with all those dirty pictures!"

I could not reassure her enough. It's not that I don't like her, it's just that ... well, I can't constantly be defending myself and worrying about what I post she's going to flip out and claim I am somehow talking about her. She's only shown me proof once (in my blog), and that wasn't about her, but that dumb anime Matrix e-mail arguement that will haunt me forever. I asked her for proof again, but added that I wasn't sure I wanted to be part of this game anymore, and if this was how it was always going to be, maybe we shouldn't interact anymore. She asked me to leave.

At least it ended amicably. And so, Sara A., coming full circle, I am now, truly and totally, posting about you. How... oddly ironic. This is so weird, it's like a dream.

Note to Sara A's friends. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT feel, in any way, that you have to choose sides over this. If you like Sara, continue to like her as always. Sara and I have agreed we don't get along, and that happens sometimes. It does not mean she's a bad person. We just had a massive rift of poor communication that I saw as spiraling out of control, and we had to end it before it hurt us even more. I'll miss her, and if any friends decide they don't like me anymore over this, I'll miss you, too. You're all a bunch of sophisticated and witty people, and as one wise friend of hers said, "Sometimes, people don't always get along in the sandbox."

But one last thing. Matt W.? You're an ass. I have been holding back on that for a while. I know what you have been saying in the chat rooms, and you have a right to your opinion, but man, if you keep dissing and bullying people like that, you're going to have NO friends left. Ask Steve and Lisa or the rest of the Fandango crowd to elaborate over a pint.

Whew! I feel better. No wait... no I don't. But at least I can stop worrying.


The Peanut Gallery responds with: 9 comments


This whole scenario came as a shock to me, bud, and what was even a greater shock was that most of what you said is apparently still true. I have learned that those boards definately have an "in crowd" which is divided by chat and board. If you don't chat, you're not "in" and the "chat people" are very catty. You took this very well, whereas I would have done something far worse, like an e-mail bomb. There have been times on the Political threads that I have been tempted to knock some people down in their place, like Jay and Silent Bob did in their movie. Heh.

I'll still be thinking about you, and reading your journal. It's a shame *** lost you, but it seems like they are bleeding members (at least a lot of the good ones), and soon Sara won't have anyone but a bunch of back-biting twerps trying to one-up each other in chat.

Posted by She Who Holds Weapons @ 11/02/2003 05:42 AM EST


And I can't seem to click the right buttons at the right time to prevent double posting. I blame the drugs, mostly.

Posted by Brad @ 08/30/2003 04:13 AM EST


I like cheese!

Sorry, I saw my name in print, and had to say something...

Posted by Brad @ 08/30/2003 04:12 AM EST


I like cheese!

Sorry, I saw my name in print, and had to say something...

Posted by Brad @ 08/30/2003 04:12 AM EST


[[Good for you. You have too many friends to worry about people who are paranoid enough to think that everything in the world is about them]]

You have friends besides me??? What do they think of me??? Everything is about me you know that... j/k I agree with Chris, no, seriously tell me....

Posted by Meow! @ 08/28/2003 10:10 PM EST


Um, you and Sara are friends? I know she was the moderator and everything, but I had no idea you two were friends. Do you even know a single thing about her that you didn't read on that bulletin board? Does she know you got run off of http://www.**.com/FAQ/users.htm ?

[Punkie Replies]
Don't know why you bothered to try and "circumvent" the word from the comments section, but I left your link intact under "Amused", so people can see what you are talking about (the link is also in my FAQ). I guess you hit me when I was "down," man. I guess I am supposed to respond in shock, or delete your comment, or something really impressive other than tracing your post to an AOL POP cache in Arlington. The FAQ is still there! And it still says, "Punkie left the community voluntarily," but I suppose you know better, don't you? You think I am "ashamed" of the brutal treatment you guys gave me? The letters, the smearing, the fact I am a private joke to you even to this day? Should I curl up in a ball and cry, so you can laugh on your little board at my expense? Are you high?

I considered Sara my friend, even if she probably doesn't now, and maybe she never did. Why not ask her? We had some chat outside the board, we related to common issues; she's good people, which is why I am not slamming her all over the place. No one on that board ever sent me mean e-mails, tried to call my work and harrass me, none of that. Can you guys say that? I didn't think so. Sara and I just had issues we could not resolve. I bear no ill will towards her. You guys? Suck. It's been 4 or 5 years since those days, and you STILL giggle with glee over your "victory."

That's why I left the link. That link proves, without a scrap of embellishment on my part, that you are still living some sort of high school clique where YOUR opinion is misconstrued as fact. Did the other board post me as a "legendary user?" Nope. Did anyone send me mean e-mails everytime some user they didn't like tried to sign up? No. Did Sara even post some mean thing about me on her board? No way. But you guys did. And not just a few week or months afterwards, but YEARS afterwards. Your comment is just making my case. The letters you sent to my friends are even further proof. But I see you are not a person of proof. No e-mail, no traceable evidence, just a mean jab in an attempt to knock me down in my own blog. Bravo! Three Cheers for the Dark Knight!

People like you will always exist. If anything, you serve as a counter-example for others.

Not your friend,
Punkie

PS: Your fly's unzipped.

Posted by Amused @ 08/27/2003 04:36 PM EST


Punk, I understand what you did and why you did it. But keep in mind people like these will not be swayed. She's _STILL_ going to think you are talking about her. Days from now. Weeks from now. Maybe even years from now. Didn't the things from *** teach you anything? How long did it take before they stopped sending us those letters? Long time, bud. The internet is a sick place full of sick people who never would have gotten an audience otherwise. Wasn't it you who said "I'l never get my own board: it attracts crazy people." Well sir, it does, did, and do. See you in the computer rooms.

Posted by Khai Otoku @ 08/26/2003 08:46 PM EST


Right on on calling Matt like that. What is up with that guy? I wondered if anyone told you what he's been saying because he just was trying so hard to bring you down, calling you a liar and junk in chat. I am glad you finally said something. Sorry Sara doesn't like you, I mean, what can you say? I guess you said it best. "Sometimes, people don't always get along in the sandbox." I'll miss your posts in ***, but we still have our journals!

Peace out.

Posted by Will Still Dance with Penguins @ 08/26/2003 05:06 PM EST


Good for you. You have too many friends to worry about people who are paranoid enough to think that everything in the world is about them. And if she did think that you were doing this, the least that she could have done was to provide what it was that she was referring to. You're a great guy who has many friends (in real life, as I am, and online) who all truly know the value and virtue of you. And anyone who really knows you and the type of person that you are, also knows that you would never do what you have been accused of. You are loved by the people who count and that's what matters.

And btw, I love the Alice analogy. Very good!

Posted by Chris @ 08/26/2003 03:09 PM EST

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