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07/11/2003 Entry: "I am not old... am I?" I am 34, and married for over 14 years. I don't think of age as something that means too much, except maybe accumulated experience, but that's never a guarantee, either. But recently, it's started to become an explanation. My friends are getting divorces. It just seemed so sudden, but in the last few years, several friends of mine have split up and I began to wonder what's going on. Then it hit me: I am 34. Most of my friend are around that age, and this is the time when most first divorces occur. Same with major health problems. In fact, now deaths of people I have known for a long time are on the rise. I suddenly realized we're suffering the malaise of being an adult. At this age, some of my single friends are also starting to worry. It was pretty sobering to hear a friend who was "only" 29 that she was upset she wasn't married and had kids. I know this girl, she'd make a great mom. She's very pretty, has no serious hang-ups, is intelligent, and fun. I nice Jewish girl! :) But she's single. She's single and somehow can't find a decent guy. She's tried, it's not like she's sitting at home playing Nintendo and eating cheetos, but every attempt to date someone has ended shortly because the person she's in love with turns out to be someone she can't be with. One was a self-confessed loner and drinker. Another was still having mommy-clinging issues. Are there decent guys out there for her? She's also the story of a lot of my other single friends. Some of my friends, I know why they're alone. Some have issues that make them inaccessible, like grueling jobs, emotional hang-ups, and many just don't care. But most of them are decent dating material. I wish some of my cool-ass friends would have kids and pass on their genes, and I know most of them do, too. But I don't care how modern you are, if you want kids, you probably shouldn't wait to have them after 35 if you can help it. Not only for health reasons, but also, if your kid is born when you are 38, he or she will be 18 when you are 56. You will have to deal with a teen when you are in your 50s! That will be tough. But some of my single friends will have to wait that long, if current trends continue. I will turn 35 this November. If the past age of males on my family side is any indication, I will reach the halfway point of my life at 37 or so. And time goes by faster and faster the older you get. Or at least it does for me. And that leads to the final thing: memory. The older I get, the more past events begin to blur. Like for instance, I can remember many of my major friends in high school: Kate Tredwell, Julie Lim, Ellen Payling-Wright, Jason Aufdenberg, and Steve Moyer. But I also had a lot of "satellite friends" like Shelia Desai, Britta Carlsten, Julie Bratten, Bruce Cole, David Dedrick, and Mark Jackson. There were many more, clustered in groups and you know what? I used to know their names like the back of my hand, and now I've forgotten most of them. There was the gaming crowd, which was Vince Chang, Fred Vogel, and Nicole... something (a guy, I think his last name was Peacock). I see many more faces at the gaming tables... and I have forgotten all their names. Then there was the drama crew, and I can picture Mark... something, a red-headed guy, a girl named Lauren, and a Hawaiian girl named something Stanley, I think maybe Sarah. Then there was the art crew, and I recall David Dedrick, but he had many friends, some of whom had adventures I was in, but I have forgotten their names, too. Last week, I was telling a take about how four of my McLean friends sat me down at a sci-fi con and tried to tell me that the girl I was dating, Christine, was from West Virginia and did you know that people from West VA were all money-digging inbred hicks who wore overalls, played the banjo, and fucked goats? I got mad at these people, and I can picture their faces... but their names eluded me. I used to be able to rattle them off, because I was so pissed at them for YEARS, and totally stopped speaking to them forever. But now I have forgotten their names. All those great actors and actresses I worked with in the county plays and in school? Forgotten. About 90% of the McLean High School Sci Fi club? Forgotten. Half of Prune Bran? Forgotten. Conventions I have been at begin to blur together, too. It's sobering to think of kids I knew are now adults. I mean, Sara, who you see on this site in photos as one of our friends, I have known since she was nine (but she didn't hang out with us until she was 16). I begin to divide the conventions by "eras" like "This was the FanTek Frederick Era," or "The high school Balticon/Disclave Era." I have started to say, "I was at Balticon-- no, Disclave... 86? 87? Maybe it was Philcon 50..." Plus, time going faster gives the illusion of things happening recently that really happened years and years ago. Like, while talking to her, I realized I knew Rogue since 1990. Thirteen years. It seemed like much less. Sounding like an old fart already.