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06/21/2003 Entry: "What is the Master Plan?" What is the master plan? A lot of my life seems to have this arrogant "WTF?" attitude when I look at it. I don't know what I expect out of life, really. A lot of my problems seem to stem from an indignant feline attitude that things should be better for me when they never really are. I am never sure if I suffer more than the average person, or just notice it more. Looking at my entries, you'd surely THINK my life sucked, but really, it doesn't. Of course, my comparison is skewed, considering my whole life view is some sort of aftermath of the first 18 years of my life. Literally. I was watching a thing on the History Channel about "living memories" or something, where they interviewed people who lived through famous historical events, from the Great Depression to September 11th. One Japanese person, who spoke about the Atomic Blast and the aftermath afterwards, seemed to have her whole life as a "post-blast" summary. She even gave tours at the Hiroshima Museum. The way she spoke (even through a translator), reminded me of myself and these entries. She said something that I have ruminated through my own thoughts from time to time, and that was "I think this happened to me for a reason." Makes me wonder if there is a master plan, and what it might be? I once had this dream about it... I say this because my stomach hurts, I have a headache, and my blood pressure lately has been soaring to new heights. This is stupid, because really, nothing horribly bad is happening to me, so it can't be stress. For the last week, my blood has felt thick, like it's having trouble pushing through my blood stream, my heart strains, I am exhausted most of the time, and my circulation is wonky. The only change I had done in my daily activities was to take 500mg of Vitamin C. Vitamin C, in pill form, never bode well for me. It's usually in chewable form, and ever since my best friend in high school tried to get me to take them daily, and I reacted badly, I have realized there was something in C that didn't agree with me. Which is funny, because I love oranges and orange juice, and don't have trouble with that. But lately, with all the colds and sicknesses I had been having, I thought I'd try to take C again, but as part of my morning pills. Then I started to feel bad. I have no idea if it was coincidence, psychosomatic, or what, but that's when the blood pressure started to go awry. So I stopped because it was really interfering with everything. I also stopped all caffeine, and cut down my intake of food because I was becoming sick every time I ate. The problems subsided, but then on Thursday, I ate some pizza that nearly made me pass out from abdominal pain. I am not sure why, I don't think the pizza was bad (it tasted great, no one else got sick from it, and I didn't have a fever or anything else associated with food poisoning), but since then, I have felt like a bomb has gone off in my stomach, and nothing feels right now. We got the pizza as a celebration because... ... my son got a math award from his school, and I am really proud of him! We weren't expecting it, and I know he sure wasn't. But he excelled in math, as I did, which further proves that he wasn't switched at birth like I worried about when they showed me his baby picture, and he looked Chinese. But I am supposed to be going on a beach trip! Not being sick! Last beach trip, I had just had root canal, and could only eat certain things, which royally sucked, so what is this, now? Bugger! I am indignant! But still more good news to offset disapproving looks from Benny: I got the new Harry Potter book! It came shortly before I typed this entry. It came from FedEx, if you can believe it, and was in a white box, labeled with a green warning: "CARRIER: PLEASE DELIVER ON JUNE 21. Do not under any circumstances deliver before June 21!" Also on the box was an unnecessary ad, "Deeper Secrets. Darker powers. Stronger magic." I say unnecessary because if you see the ad, you must already have, and thus paid for, the book. I read super-fast, but 870 pages (the last page number here) will be a challenge. I could, uninterrupted, read this book in about a day, but that's not possible right now. I should be finished with this book by the halfway week point, because I suspect half the other people on the beach trip will want to read it too, so I can't afford to be leisurely reading the book while people salivate for it.