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06/08/2003 Entry: "Somehow, I always knew I'd never be pyschic..." I was reading someone's journal where he was discussing precognitive dreams she was having. I am not going to link to it, because I don't want to make it look like I'm making fun of it, but seeing these entries reminded me about how I don't think I have a scrap of psychic power when it comes to predictions. I recall vividly the dream I had the morning of 9/11. I was doing tarot in a desert tent, and a bearded man asked me to give him the outcome of his friend's travels. I drew The Tower card. It did not look good. Then I drew a second Tower card. How could there be 2 Tower cards in the deck? Then I looked at them, side by side, on a tablecloth where a huge pentagram was. They were inside the pentagram, in a pentagon. I smelled smoke. I called 9-1-1... That would have been cool, right? No way. I totally made that up. The real dream I had was stupid. I was on the edge of a pier at a marina. My keys, which are usually clipped to the side of my belt, fell off and into the water. I reached into the water as they sunk, but my attempts at grabbing the keys only made them sink faster into the murky green depths. I woke up, feeling very strong emotions of loss, self-hatred, and anger. How could I be so stupid and lose my keys? I have dreams like that from time to time. They seem so vivid and emotional when they happen, but when I wake up, I feel sheepish to have gotten so worked up over stupid crap. Those emotions were shoved aside and did not match the emotions or any sense of "deja vu" when the morning of 9/11 happened all around me. The only reason I remembered at all was the fact I had written someone a letter that morning about it (in reply to her letter about a stupid dream she had, and "what did it mean" a few days earlier), before my wife called me and said a plane had crashed into one of the Twin Towers. I have been cleaning out an old "sent-mail" folder, and read the time stamp: 8:15am, Sept 11, 2001. The last e-mail I wrote before the world changed. I would think, if I was going to have any sense of prediction and psychic powers, I would have at least been warned about such a vast calamity. I'd even go for the "hindsight is 20/20" over-interpretation Nostradamus fans use, but the truth of the matter is, it totally surprised me. Totally. Not even a hint of a prediction. All my notes from before and after have a distinct line. In fact, when I look at all my life events, I was not warned. I think the only exception might be my mother's suicide, but as time has gone by, the "hints of what's to come" could have just as easily been triggered by my sense of impending change of graduating high school. I did recall during Christmas, discussing with my best friend at the time what I'd do if my mother ever died: I'd be totally fucked. She assured me that I had friends who would make sure that didn't happen (and she was right), but I think both of us at the time both thought, "You'll be an adult before your mom dies." My mother died about 3 weeks later. And that's really just coincidence, I think, but for years I wondered if I had a sense of impending doom. Then I realized, I always had a sense of impending doom. Hell, my life WAS doom back then, so you didn't have to be a rocket scientist to predict what kept happening. That's like predicting you'll get wet if you stand out in the rain. I once played with an Ouija board at age 13 from an "ESP Kit." I got total gibberish to everything I asked. It would spell "HR1F73MAS8yes7EMS90CNRno" or something equally as useless. Also in that kit was a pyramid (sharpened nothing), a pendulum (found/predicted nothing), and a Zener deck (which gave me almost exact chance readings of 1/5 correct, although when I did get the right cards, they were usually all in a row for some reason). Bummer.