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04/22/2003 Entry: "Throwing Stuff Out of Second Story Windows" Yesterday, I was spending most of the day assembling Ikea furniture. I discovered that instead of an office chair, the third-party delivery company had sent me a full-sized bed. That's quite a mistake. They came by later and took back the bed, but they can't find my son's office chair. Grrrrr! Now I am in some limbo of finger pointing, voice mail, and calls not returned between Ikea and the delivery company. Well, I got everything but the dresser assembled. Two night stands, three lamps, and a computer desk are now in my son's room. I had to get rid of the old stuff, and a unique opportunity sprung up. My son's room is part of the 10' addition the previous owners made. The central air conditioning and heating system are not quite powerful enough to heat or cool the additions, so we use window AC units in the summer and space heaters in the winter to make up for the shortcomings. My son's AC unit died because he ran it during the winter for reasons I can't possibly comprehend, even though I told him to keep it off over and over again (and even unplugged it -- he plugged it back in). I have to either get the old one repaired, or buy a new one. I am going to make him suffer, so I am in no hurry to fix it. Last weekend, I pulled the unit from the window to see if I could repair it, but it's beyond my talents. Luckily, it's a Kenmore, and there is a Sears nearby for my leisure. Removing the AC left a huge window opening on the side of my house (don't worry, it's closed off from the outside by a windowpane). You saw some of the furniture he had. Literally, some of it is falling apart on the spot. I feared that moving an awkward piece that was unstable down several flights of stairs (including the flight that my wife broke her ankles on) would be inviting disaster. So I threw them out the window. This solved several problems. I got the furniture down to street level quickly, and since they hit a sidewalk on the side of my house, broke into several easily carried pieces upon impact, making it easier to get to the curb for garbage disposal. This was fun. The cheap particle board rolltop desk shattered like a vase. The dresser drawers also broke apart in the most alarmingly fun way. I wonder if my reclusive neighbors thought I was involved in a domestic dispute? Some of the furniture we saved. Christine's old 5-drawer bureau we saved because even though it's only held together by staples, that very fact made it easy to fix up again. It was cheap thin panels pine wood, but solid pine, so until something structural actually splits, we're keeping it. We're cheap bastards. We also kept the Government-issued desk, because although the leg is bent and can't support a lot of weight, CR needs a work surface for homework, drawing, Legos, and so on. Just as long as he doesn't lean heavily on it, it will stay upright. The old 3-drawer dresser of mine is still standing (I don't know how - I threw out the drawers), but since I haven't built his new Ikea 4-drawer, and the garbage pile outside was getting too big anyhow, I will wait for a few days. It's going to be hard, because he has his fish tank on top of that, and we're going to have to move it. I can't wait to push that thing out of the window, though. Wheeeeeee! I may even toss the ejection-seat office chair out the window in sheer spite. In the news today, Fairfax resident Grig Larson reviews the damage to his vinyl siding as he tries to convince his insurance company that a cheap particle board dresser and an ugly green office chair from the 1960s "just fell from the sky."