My Life at 2000 Miles Per Hour

4... 3... 2... 1... HAPPY... Happy 2000! Yay, it's not Happy 1900!

Well, we made it! The Y2K bugs were stomped out for the most part, and all those paranoid programmers who bought all those MRE's and fled for the hills are now looking like bearded fools. But you know, I wouldn't have it any other way. I spent the turn of the pre-century holing up with friends. My friend Rogue went to her mom's house where they had canned food and guns. But around noon on Dec 31st, I knew it would be okay when I chatted up with my Aussie business pals, and the help desk in Sydney said all looked fine. By the time I got home, I knew Japan and Europe were fine as well. Technology was safe.

I spent New Years with my good friend from forever, Jason, who would soon be Dr. Jason. Both of us started out in classes, studying to be astrophysicists, and he succeeded. In addition, he has learned rock climbing, cactus and lightning photography, and now the banjo. He played the banjo and gave us a tour of the stars later in the evening. Also with us was our newer friend, Sara, the aspiring actress. Both our guests, my family, my cats, and the new dog watched Peter Jennings lose it and Dick Clark in Spanish drop the ball. They really should have let Peter go to bed, really. And why Dick Clark in Spanish? The audio feeds on that station were messed up on our cable system, so we got the Spanish translation track instead.

It was a good night, and would be the last year I would be in Reston. But more on that later.

The Conventions of 2000

Many cons milked the "First BlahBlah con of 2000!" to death. But here is my listing of the whole convention scene and other sundry events from my eyes.

EveCon

I started off the year with EveCon as I usually do. They tout every year that they are the "First and Friendliest Convention of the Year," and this year was no exception. An odd thing happened at the con. I felt tired the whole con. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I had this panic fear that I was coming down with the Death Flu that has been going around, but so far I have as yet to have a sniffle. Then it hit me Monday. I was relaxing. My life has become so busy as of late, I have literally forgotten what it is like to relax. Last time I felt this way was in Cancun about five years ago. It's not that my life is stressful, it's just going so fast these days. I felt this con had snuck up on me. At work, I am so busy, that if I don't keep tabs, I end up staying late. Not that they force me to, I am just not paying attention to the clock anymore. Oddly, I don't feel bad about this because I genuinely feel I am doing something and progressing somewhere. But in this speed, I forgot how fast I was going, and thus became tired when I was resting. But even the con zipped by. There was this packing Thursday, a blur, and then being thanked and applauded Sunday. But great things happened. Christine sold a lot of art,I may have gained a new illustrator and my friend Akai Ryu said I could host my domains on his server.

Weird Al Concert

Just before Katsucon weekend, my friends Rogue, Jeni, Sara, Moria, Cheryl, and my family took a long road trip to Eaton, PA to see Weird Al Yankovic in concert again. We had seats one row behind front, and right next to the isle (Weird Al sometimes goes into the audience). His performance was spectacular, as always. We're planning another one soon when he comes by our way again.

Katsucon

Katsucon was a blast. We had over 2400 people show up (despite a winter storm scare), and I met most of 'em going through Registration. That was a LOT of hard work. I know this comes as no surprise to anyone, but I began to remember some of the headaches of large conventions this time around. I would say fandom is 99.9% nice people, but in a convention of 2400, the equates to roughly two dozen jerks that nearly ruin the con for everyone else. We had our share of shoplifters and vandals as well as just plain idiots like the hentai club put up their flyers with *spray on adhesive* all over the hotel, leaving indelible streaks of glue and torn wallpaper in their wake. But the other 99.9% were well worth it. We had four video rooms running most of the time (one ran through the whole con). We had guests, panels, and programs for all anime fen. The Washington Post covered the event, and this year, we had a few television cameras make it through. I also got to see my friend Steve, whom I hadn't seen since like 1995. And now I have his e-mail address! Hahaha! He's no longer safe from me! But seriously, seeing someone from my graduating class is about as rare as an apology letter from the IRS. Especially in fandom.

I also resigned as Head of Registration, which I had been planning to do before the convention, and this was no surprise to the Katsucon folks, who were surprised I lasted this long. What started as a "sure, I'll help out ... how about volunteering for a few hours at the registration desk?" became, "Oh, man, another year of running one of the most intense, nonstop, no-rest, volunteer-draining jobs in a convention." After three years, I wanted to move on. I changed jobs to head of pre-reg, since Barb was off having a baby, and doing the web site, which turned out to be a massive hit.

Imaginecon

But the big con for the year was Imaginecon. Wow. What a bomb. It was my first foray back into guests status in a few years, and answered the question, "What if you held a con and no one came?" Okay, 1250 people came, but they originally expected 25,000 - 40,000, and were run by some of the folks who borught you DragonCon in Altanta, which actually has crowds that size. They rented a convention center, and it was huge in its emptiness. By the time it was over, guests left in disgust, merchants blacklisted them, and fandom laughed. Month later, one of the people running DragonCon was brought down on charges which included among them, fraud and pedophilia. Never before had I seen such a disaster since Event Horizon (which expected 1500 and got 30, and which eventually killed the chairman's business, career, friends, and marriage). But I won't go into detail here, since I have a review in my cybertusk area.

Hatteras

Well, in June I survived another week in the Carolinas. As some of you may know, two years ago we went there for a vacation and narrowly missed Hurricane Bonnie. Last year we were there for only a day when Hurricane Dennis chased us back to Williamsburg, and then after scouring the Islands for a while like a demented floor scrubber, we gave up and went home. So this year, we went earlier in the season, *before* the hurricane season. The first four days we were there a freak "Nor'easter" hit the islands, and our cottage was pounded by some of the most severe winds and rain I had ever seen. I mean, SHEETS of rain fell like gigantic shards of pane glass some nights, and our house rocked back and forth in gusts of wind that reached up to 72 mph. Yes, *seventy-two mile per hour* winds were recorded in Manteo just a few miles north of us. Most of our deck furniture was made of heavy wood, and even that had to be tied down. The hot tub cover barely survived, and nearly ripped the hot tub from the decking. We lost a lot of roofing tile which ripped from our house like post-it notes. I have seen ceilings leak, but the pressure of the wind and rain were so strong, our walls even spontaneously leaked in some places, spreading dark patches of soaked stucco here and there. The storm kept elbowing the islands again and again as it spun just offshore. Parts of the island chain flooded.

But we only lost power once, and it was before dark, so that wasn't so bad. Although, when the power came back on, the resulting surges fried the circuitry of our heating and cooling system, so we hand to endure a heater that would not turn off for several days until it got fixed. Luckily the presence of windows and gale-force breezes prevented us from overheating.

The last three days of the vacation we had great weather. Although I overdid it, and after being stir-crazy for four days, I spent the better part of the next morning in the hot tub despite the winds and clouds. I spent TOO much time in the hot tub, and got the worst sunburn since my childhood days across my face, chest, and arms. I mean, my skin turned a reddish-purple. Yowch! Turns out I also got sun-poisoning. I had to be bedridden for a while, which wasn't so bad, because that's kind of what I wanted to be anyway. I got to catch up on a lot of TV. It hasn't changed much, has it? Daytime TV has gotten even worse! I am not missing much. My computer refused to work, it would only get AOL mail and instant messages for a few moments before just hanging. The line noise was awful.

But all that aside, the vacation wasn't as terrible as it sounds. It only sounds that way because those were some of the interesting bits, and the happy bits were fairly boring unless you were there. The people that came were Christine, CR, and myself with our friends Brad, Jeni, Sara, and little Chance (my friend Sean's little girl brought as a friend for CR). We played a lot of games, a lot of people got drunk (happy drunk), and a few days I got to go out and see the islands. Brad brought his PlayStation at we played Dragonseed and Spyro. It was a bonding experience for a lot of us, and we got to see some really cool stuff.

• Just after the worst of the storm, we saw some waterspouts offshore, lit eerie colors by the lightning. The lightning shows at times were so frequent for so long, it was like we were next door to a several discotheques with different patterns of strobe lighting. The thunder exploded continuously.
• During one of our clearer nights, we saw a meteor. Not just the standard shooting star type (which we also saw), but a HUGE meteor come slowly from the sky like a normal shooting star, then light up tremendously bright blue, like a flash bulb, which lit up the sky and everything around it like it was daylight for several seconds. Then it exploded into dozens of green and red smaller fragments before finally going dark probably a few miles over the ocean. We knew it wasn't a firework or flare because it was very large, very bright, and very far away. The trail even cut through some high-layer clouds.
• I found a hooded sweatshirt in my size. In black, no less!
• We did get to eat out. Sadly, due to the storm, most people couldn't go out and fish, so the usual seafood delicacies were missing; even Dirty Dick's were out of crabs... Yes, the restaurant is really called "Dirty Dick's," and they are famous for their crabs. Their slogan is, "I caught my crabs from Dirty Dick's," which is plastered on billboards and tee-shirts everywhere. We also ate at the Froggy Dog's, but both places were low on seafood items which are usually locally caught.
• Ahfu and Bear (Jenny's Pomeranian), loved the beach. This was Ahfu's first time at a beach (or traveling so long in a car), and he loved it. He didn't love the surf itself very much. It wasn't that he got wet or was afraid of being washed away, but he just didn't seem to like the thought of waves coming *at* him, and besides, he had digging to do. I swear to the Chinese Sun God that this dog was meant to dig. Ahfu spent almost all his time at the beach digging holes here and there, pausing only to sniff and get his flat Peke face covered in sand. After he dug one hole, he'd stop, look around, and then excitedly dig another hole. He never found anything other than an odd piece of seaweed here and there, and I had to follow him around while he dug, so that future passersby wouldn't break their ankles stumbling in Ahfu's expeditionary trenches.

CastleCon

I had a great time. I overworked myself a bit at this convention. I had something to host/moderate every few hours on all three days. I didn't even get to see any movies or videos, and missed almost every one of my friend's panels. My apologies to those who felt snubbed.

Hotel was very nice; clean and laid out well. Just the right size for the amount of people there. Any more and it would have been crowded. I am glad the pool was open 24 hours, and even though the Jacuzzi blew the heater, they still kept it on for us. A lukewarm Jacuzzi was better than none at all. The desk people got a lot of stuff wrong, though. They gave me keys that didn't work, forgot to give me a rollaway bed, and charged me incorrectly. But each time they fixed the problem speedily. However, the staff had some of the most aggressive and brainless maids I have ever seen at the weirdest hours. One maid tried to clean my room at 10:34 pm on a Saturday night, despite the fact I was trying to rest for a panel and my son was already asleep. And the concept of "no you don't have to come in, but may I have some more towels and toilet paper" nearly caused one maid to shut down like a software crash. I had to block her entrance into my room with my body ... she *literally* did not understand I didn't want her in. We had to deadbolt the door after one maid woke us up at 7:00 am on Friday to change the bed, only to come back an hour later and act confused as to why we weren't up yet. What made it more annoying is they did not knock. But I guess I would never accuse the hotel of not trying to serve me. :)

Opening Ceremonies went well, although Tad nearly scared people to death with his speech about security, although that may have been the reason the con was so quiet accident-wise. My two skits were well-received, and I want to thank all the actors involved for their help, as well as Dan Alt for the music and cues.

The Hygiene Film Fest went really well. Super Carrot, indeed. At EveCon, we may do Industrial Accident Safety Films (provided they aren't TOO graphic). A great lead into Rocky, although the tape we had sucked. I scrambled around the hotel to get it fixed, and finally Bruce said, "It's the same tape we have that gets screwed up every year! I keep throwing it away, and it keeps showing up! Someone destroy that thing, no wait, give it away!" Luckily, I had brought a backup copy from my own personal collection, and soon we had a clearer, less jumpy Rocky. No one would take the old copy, so I kept it for reasons still unknown to me.

Of course, Saturday I was hoarse. I have to figure out a way to stop shouting myself hoarse on Friday. I attended Bruce's CCNA discussion, and then ran the Katsucon Con Suite Party. I answered some of the questions, dealt with some suggestions, and showed episodes 1-18 of Mini-Goddesses. The room was full most of the time, and I want to thank Paul (our Katsucon Merchant Czar) and Ruth (Andy's volunteer) for their help. I couldn't have done it without them. I kind of wished other Katsu folk had shown up, but Burondo No-ooh Otoko showed up (so did Agent Panku Seiuchi), and they had a good time, too. :)

Right afterwards, I had to run to the "Whose Line is it Anyway," moderated by Dan Alt. I was with comedy greats and friends like Tynie, Brad, and Rogue. We... didn't do so good. I was joking before the con that "practicing for Improv" was a contradiction, but I ate my own words as I actually floundered onstage in the most unfunny fashion. Tynie actually got injured when he threw himself on his back on the stage, and his spine landed on two uneven metal plates that made a gap in the staging material. Youch. At least we didn't have the bat lady.

I stepped down at the Non-Judgmental Judge after about six years of judging. Adrienne Reynolds and Christi Golden handed it to me all those years ago, and this weekend I handed the reigns over to Paul, Sean, and Andy. I am going to miss doing the judging, but I think it was time to go before I ran out of jokes about too much body armor or yet another nondescript medieval costume with a stuffed dragon and staff. Good luck guys! You will have a lot of fun. It was also the weekend where Adrienne gave up her title as announcer to Fred Zelany, who not only made a great emcee in velvet pants, but looked a lot like the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The ladies love him... :)

The art gala was a smash! I may be biased, but it kicked butt! I didn't get one piece of art I bid on because they all overbid me. What a riot! :)

My reading had a grateful audience of one. Previously during the Art Gala, Kris Trader showed me some of her artwork, and I am in love with the illustrations she is doing for my new book. She rocks! God I hope I can get this book out mucho soon-o. I also sold the exact number of books I sold at Imaginecon. Hmm... CastleCon had about 400, Imaginecon had about 1200... pretty good ratio, especially considering FanTek cons are kind of a saturated market. Thank you to those who bought my book!

I had a meeting with the newly formed FanTek Web team, and we hammered out some great plans. Expect to see major changes to the site VERY soon. We have some of the most talented writers, designers, and artists FanTek has working on this.

The last thing was the art auction, which was a blood bath of gladiator proportions. We had people with serious money and burning avarice fighting coin and check to get some of the most coveted pieces. It was the best auction I had ever done. We had calls like, "$5," "$10!" "**$35!!**," "Oh, yeah??? $100!" Wow. Truly stunning.

My family had to leave early because we had to pick up our little doggie from the kennel before it closed. I apologize to those we couldn't go to dinner with, or help pack/unpack the bus. Our doggie was really, really whiffy from the kennel, though, let me tell you. Never again. I think he might come with us to EveCon (depending on hotel rules), or stay at a friend's house who offered at the con. A week later, and he's still not the same. He caught a bad cold, despite the "Kennel Cough" medicine we got him immunized for beforehand. We took him back to the vet, and they gave him some medicine. We also found out his left eye now won't rotate fully in its socket. He also lost about half of his hair. I am not sure what happened in that kennel but we will never, and I mean never, put him in one again.

Thank you Bruce and Cheryl for once again pulling off a great party. It's cons like these that keep me coming back. :)

Otakon

I have Half a Review of Half of Otakon. This isn't to say Otakon was bad or anything, I just didn't get a chance to stay long. In fact, I liked most of what I could see of Otakon. Here are some of my personal highlights:

- My trip up included Brian Carpenter, Lije Bailey, Steve Moyer (an old High School buddy), and a girl named Rachel who I never got to ask her last name. They offered their room and food (yes, food) for $85 for the weekend, which was about half of what I would have paid had I managed to get a room myself. Add to that that Keith paid for me because I was working the table. So, not including what I bought in the merchant's room, I only spent $85 for the whole weekend. Not bad! Brian planned everything down to the daily meals, including brown-bagging lunches and stuff.

- It was packed. I have been to less packed rock concerts. When we got to the reg area around noon on Friday, it looked like someone crammed a stadium full of people in the convention center. If there was any doubt in my mind on the popular wave of anime ... it was quenched by seeing the multitudes of fen ... average age probably around 20-25. People often waited multiple hours for book signings, main events, and the merchant's room.

- Registration could have been better. The lines were long for pre-reg, but they went by quickly (about 20 min in line, which was sorted by alphabet unevenly, so my line ended up being the long one). The at-the-door one though ... holy crap, it was like bread lines in Russia. But that was NOTHING compared to one very key mistake they made in their registration process: LAMINATING. They didn't pre-laminate anything, and as any con will tell you, lamination is a bottleneck process. So after anyone got their badges (ATD or pre-reg), we all had to stand in one common line that snaked its way around the other lines, back across the far walls, and down the whole length of the convention center. It took me about 75-90 minutes to get my badge in total. I would have easily doubled that if I had to pay at the door. But I heard that other times it wasn't nearly as bad. It was worse for me because I was next in line with some guy who was obsessed with the preteen girls in skimpy clothing. I mean, he was obsessed with *not* being obsessed with them. He spoke at great length about how he was repulsed by them. A bit too much. He didn't seem to care for my attitude which was "they are cute, but look, don't touch." No matter how I changed the subject, he would end up drawing back to how much he was not obsessed with scantily dressed preteens. Obviously, there was some issues he had to deal with. The lamination was a frenzy like a panic in Wall Street. Very unorganized and the volunteers were pretty harried. But the rest of the Otakon staff were fairly pleasant, and some came to the Katsucon table from time to time to give announcements and ask if everything was okay.

- I was helping out at the Katsucon table. Keith, Colette, and myself were a bit worried about people showing up. Keith had people flake on him for Shore Leave, and I had people flake on me for CastleCon. But we needn't have worried about this con. Not only did people show up who promised to (Andy and Gecko), but others helped out as well, like Jeff, Mark, and some others I can't remember right now. Trouble was that the convention center gave us only two chairs, and wanted to charge us $35 per extra chair per day. Colette said she'd bring lawn chairs, but forgot. The cement floors were very uncomfortable for both walking and sitting. My feet started to hurt very much. Sitting on the floor was even worse, and I didn't sit in a chair very much because that would have meant *other* people would have to stand and be uncomfortable. But I helped set up, man the table, sort tee-shirts (which kick butt, thanks, Mark), and straighten stuff up.

- Christine had some Pixie sticks left over from the FanTek art show, and she told me to "get rid of them at Otakon." So we put them out at the table and they were a HIT! We ran out quickly, and it drew people to the table. We also found out something very interesting: the convention center had this policy of no selling food, of any kind. The usual vendors with their Pocky, Yan yan, and other Japanese delicacies were screwed. Until someone found a brilliant loophole. They were not allowed to sell food, but they could GIVE it away as a promotion (which is why we weren't hassled). So you could say, "This postcard costs $3.50... but comes with a free box of Pocky!" I applaud that vendor. Later, we got more candies and Christine brought more Pixie sticks.

- I had to leave early to get ready to fly to Iron Mountain, MI for my grandmother's burial. So I only stayed until early Saturday afternoon. I didn't really get a chance to shop, play games, or see movies (although I did break down and get a Totoro Wall Scroll, Art book, a Belldandy pin, and some other impulse items I didn't really need). CR came down on Saturday with Christine, and he got this really cool Pokemon bath toy in a discount bin. It's this floating island with squirting Pokemon. You'd have to see it to appreciate it's coolness.

Maryland Renn Fest

I also went to the Renn Fest on opening day, which wasn't as crowded as I expected, although my friend Bomber said that it was like a thick wall of people past the place he worked (Sandcrafter Leather Shop, go buy from them, they make great stuff!). I wanted to relax. But nooo... I got stung by bees a total of eight times that day. Eight times! I have no idea why. It wasn't all at once, it was one sting here, one sting there, and it totaled eight times by the evening. Luckily, I am not allergic more than anyone else, in fact, each sting I got was less and less painful; I think I built a tolerance. All I saw was the prick, the wasp or bee, then tiny swelling, hot pinpoint pain, then it was over. It was dusty, too, and my asthma went into overdrive. So I sat a lot, and watched rednecks fight. The main reason we went was to look at things for our new house. We got two swinging cotton hammocks, which we had wanted for say ... ten years. Now we'll have a deck to suspend them from. We also found a guy who does custom furniture, although we're debating whether we want his choice of wood: anything dark (walnut, cherry, etc...).

I got to see a lot of friends, as well as see my friend Paul perform in his "Amazing Garbonzo Brothers" act. They were quite good; I never thought I'd see Paul juggle torches on a 6-foot tall unicycle to a man balancing on a large yellow ball. No, that wasn't a joke, that is what he did. Simply amazing.

Publishing and Getting Published

This was supposed to be the year of my comeback, but as this page testifies, I got a little busy, and my publishing career sputtered like an engine that hasn't been warmed in a long while. So aside from the Katsucon web site, I had some other minor feathers to put in my cap.

I created the FanTek BBS again. I helped set up the first one, and waxing nostalgic, I decided to see if I could ressurect it with Yahoo Clubs. I am still deciding that.

http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/fantekscifitechbbs

Jesse Reklaw, artist and co-writer for "Slow Wave" published one of my dreams online. It was about a dream I have had from time to time about how my life ended. You can see it here at:

http://www.slowwave.com/archive.cgi?apr00

Jesse's comic strip takes real people's dreams, and makes cartoons out of them. Some of them are surreal, while others are meaningful. Most are very silly. You should read more than just mine.

I have also started my own weekly e-zine, called Wyrdzin (pronounced /WEERD-zeen/). It was weekly for a long time, but towards the end of the year, it became more sporadic. It has weird news, humor, web freebies, and a lot of other nifty stuff.

The House

Of course, the major big news in my family's personal life was the house in Fairfax. After years and years of renting, I cashed in some of my company stocks (just in time, too, before the bubble burst), and we made a massive down payment on a large home. But how we got there was a huge issue in itself. To keep this page short, I have detailed it here in this description of the house and house-hunting.

Careers

Christine started her new job in September, working as a sysadmin and personnel manager for a small but busy shipping company with several offices about the Eastern and Southern Coast. The pay is better than her last job, and the atmosphere is a lot more casual. Plus, and this is one of the perks, she gets to telecommute all but two days a week.

Well, as you know, the technical industry has a lot of change. And I changed jobs again. I am still working at the ISP that made Virginia proud, but they decided that they didn't need a my department anymore, and so dissolved it our from under us. A lot of us scrambled for jobs, and I found they wanted me to continue my job description and do roughly the same thing for the same pay as an International advisor. So there was a lot of panic, and I ended up ending up pretty much back where I was.

Some were not so lucky. I am now an (get this) International and Satellite Wardailing Programmer and Analyst [pant pant]. But this wasn't so bad, although I realized quickly my company wasn't ready to merge International with domestic. But enough proprietary-information prattle! :) I got to learn more programming, and take a lot of courses.

I decided to go for my CCNA certification, and my previous department, as one of their last acts of kindness, paid for my full tuition to become CCNA certified. I took two major week-long courses, and was about to take my test when my grandmother died, and then I had to move, and I didn't end up taking the tests until early 2001, which will be covered in that diary when it's up in 2002. :)

Going Deaf

I found out in May that I am going deaf. Literally. Some of you may have noticed in recent years I kept going, "What?" so finally I got my hearing checked. And I mean checked. I had to go through hours of a battery of comprehensive testing. There were tone tests, pressure tests, sylable tests, and probably about 5-6 tests in all. The short version of the diagnosis is that they saw no damage, no evidence of fluid/cillia damage, no wax buildup, no foreign items like tumors or growths. In fact, my ears themselves work just fine. It's the nerves from the choclea to the brain which are dying off. This is common in elderly people, but not for me at 31, which makes them suspect it's a genetic problem. Right now, I have 25% hearing loss and they recommend a set of hearing aids, but they cost $2000-3000 *per ear* and only last a few years before they have to be replaced. So because I just got a house, I am going to have to rely on asking people to speak up and reading lips for a while (in fact, they proved to me I had already been doing that without my knowledge).

They don't know how my hearing will progress. I could go deaf in 5 years, or 10, or maybe never fully deaf at all. But the fact it has been rapidly progressing is troublesome. I have to be tested every year for a few years for them accurately predict what the future holds. I was told I and my wife should start taking some sign language classes soon, and that

So when you see me, please forgive the "what?" comments, and if you are thinking I am ignoring you, make sure I can see you. I don't plan on making any major life changes because of this. I am not throwing myself to the ground in a major pity-fest going, "Why me, God?" because it won't do any good, and if God answers me, I doubt any answer would be comforting. And I have suffered worse. Better than going blind, I say.

Grandmother Edith: 1905 - 2000

The most depressing news this year was that my grandmother Edith died last night at the age of... 87 to 95. Right now we're unsure as to her birth year, because it depends on which paperwork you read. Sweden thinks one thing, the United States another, and the paperwork between them isn't sure, either. Her headstone says "1905 - " so we're going to go with that, since she's the one who put it there.

Edith Almqvist was born in Northern Sweden around 1910. She lived there until she turned 18, and then left a family that had a lot of kids in what was once a country besieged with poverty. She emigrated to the United States in the late 1920s, just in time for the Depression. But it was still better to be living in the Chicago slums in America than rural poverty in Sweden. Edith worked her way up to be a cosmetologist, and during that time, she fell in love with another Swedish immigrant: a carpenter by the name of John. They married in 1934, and attempted to have children, but they were beset by many miscarriages and stillborn births. One did survive, my mother Gladys, who was born in 1939.

They survived the war effort in the 1940s, despite an injury that left Edith in a body cast for several years. They had very little money, and things were hard. My mother grew up in an apartment so small, she didn't even have her own bedroom; just a couch by the door. But they managed, and in the late 1950s, my mother met and fell in love with my father Arvid. Her whole side of the family still calls this one of the biggest mistakes in her life, but my mother was stubborn, and married him anyway. For Edith and John, things started to get better. Work started coming in easier for John and Edith, and by the late 1960s, they built a house in Iron Mountain, Michigan. They were going to have a small farm (with chickens and crops), but that didn't pan out so well. They also helped Gladys out from time to time, and even paid for most of Arvid's education.

They only had one grandson, me, who was born in 1968. Despite the help my parents got from John and Edith, my father didn't care for any relatives, including his own. So I only got to see my maternal grandparents about 4 times in my life. John died in 1983 after a long fight with diabetes and related heart problems. Gladys helped Edith out during these hard times, but she had her own emotional difficulties to deal with, including an increasingly loveless marriage and alcoholism. In 1987, Gladys took her own life.

My relationship with Edith changed radically during this time. Because Arvid had all but forbid all contact with relatives, I got to really know my grandmother because of this tragedy. I was the one who had to break the news to her about Gladys. After my mother's death, my father forced me to leave home. Edith helped me during these times by sending me some good cheer and occasional financial aid. Edith was also the one who told me to go into computers. I told her she was nuts, that I wasn't nearly smart enough, and couldn't afford college. She said I was wrong anyway, I should go into computers, because I understood these things.

In the early 1990s, Edith's health wasn't doing so well, and she had an in-home nurse, as well as some local friends help her from time to time. But she was lonely, and wanted to be surrounded by family. All of her brothers and sisters were gone, and her only relatives were in Sweden. So she sold her house and moved to Luleå, Sweden. Back where she started. She stayed with relatives until her health got so bad, she had to stay in facility for the elderly in Boden. In 1994, she got real sick, and didn't think she was going to make it. I went to Sweden during this time, and even thought she barely recognized me, she was glad to see me. Her mental health deteriorated rapidly, and for the last few years, she didn't know who she was, and didn't recognize anyone. It was really hard for all of us, because she just kept hanging on in misery. A few weeks ago, she really got sick, and they decided not to give her any life saving measures anymore.

Edith quietly passed away shortly after 10:30 pm, Swedish time, on July 13th, 2000.

I am the only direct descendant she has left. Thus, I have to handle all her affairs, and make sure that they are done in accordance to her wishes. She wanted to buried next to John in Iron Mountain, and I have already been in contact with those people in charge of such things. Since I have had a lot of friends/relatives die since I was 16, I am sadly familiar with the process, and it's almost like autopilot at this point. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I am glad she is no longer suffering. But I miss her. I wish I had gotten to know her better.

I want to thank my grandmother for two things. One, she helped me when I was out on my own. Second, she introduced me to a new family in Sweden, one I cherish greatly, even if I could not be there with them most of the time.

Oh, and she was right about the computers... dammit. :)

The funeral for Grandmother Edith has been a saga of how to ship a body from Sweden to the United States. There's a lot of permission involved, and a lot of communication that needs to be done between funeral homes, Customs, Embassies, and making sure people get paid. The story is very convoluted. Good news is, I didn't have to go to Sweden for this. This cut back time a lot. I thank God my Grandmother had a sense of humor, because she would think this was very funny. This thought is what kept me sane during the ordeal.

My trip to Iron Mountain was a success. Finally we got poor Edith's body back to the town she spent most of her life in. The small graveside service was held at 1pm at the Iron Mountain Cemetery. A lot of her friends showed up, and I got to meet Edith's old friends and even some of my mother's old friends, which was a welcome surprise. I had always assumed that Edith had friends there, but I didn't know a lot of the history of how my grandparents ended up there. It changed a few notions I had about my grandparent's past, and shed new light on the old complaints I hear over and over when people speak of my parents.

I added one more reason to be born that week: so that someone could bury Edith.

This week has been one of reflection and renewal for me, despite how arduous this has been to watch Edith suffer for years, deal with her death and my loneliness, get her body to the states, deal with customs, embassies, funeral homes, and airlines. Despite all this, I am comforted to know that Edith is not suffering anymore, that her final wish to be buried next to her husband finally got done, and that I got to meet many of her friends and have talks with them.

Getting my family there was almost as bad as getting Edith's body back to the states, only it didn't take two weeks. United Airlines sucks. They even have a customer-hate website at www.untied.com. This was certainly brought home while trying to get to Iron Mountain. First, we get to the counter only to find out that our flight was canceled because of weather. Though the flights before and after ours were on time. Then we were told the plane didn't show up because of weather, and that ATC had grounded it. The ATC (Air Traffic Control) were used by United as a universal blame for just about everything. As we sat in United Terminals over the both to and from Iron Mountain, we heard them use that excuse for just about every delay or cancellation. We asked to be booked on the next flight, but they were too full, so we had to take the next available flight with three seats. That was hours away. So we sat in Dulles, reading books, dealing with our desperately bored ten-year-old as best we could. I had to call and cancel all appointments for that day in Iron Mountain. The plane was late, and we arrived in Chicago O'Hare late, which was fine, because our flight to Iron Mountain was late, too. We sat at the cramped, hot, and overcrowded gates waiting for our flight. Our plane was only about half an hour late, which wasn't bad considering we watched a lot of flights become really late, or even canceled *after people boarded the plane*, which meant they had to get out of the plane, and wait in the terminal some more.

Now, for those of you who never had to travel around the Great Lakes area, let me tell you about the flights. They call them "puddle jumpers," and the planes you fly are often 18 or 32 seaters that still fly by noisy propellor. Really noisy. And rickety. This is often an added insult because the cost of flying between cities in the Great Lake area are about twice as much as it cost me to fly from Washington to Chicago. This is due to less demand, I know, but still.

They are also very informal. It is common for the flight to be delayed because someone didn't show up, including customers. We saw several flights get delayed as they paged, "Mr. Bob Johnson" and "Nils Swenson" or other Scandinavian-sounding names. I later found out that they delayed the flights because if you missed you plane, there may only be one or two a day that fly out there, and you'll be stuck in Chicago until the next day. That's kind of considerate. Also, since the planes are so small, they can't see the tower. So they wait for the person at the gate that leads you out to the runway give a "Go on" thumbs up, a "wait" waving palm, or a "just a second" finger waggle out the window.

Last time I did this, my mother and I were in a beat-up old DC-3. Now I was in something that looked like someone slapped propellors on a learjet. The seats were small, and only two rows (at least everyone got a window seat), with a cargo isle between you. The copilot, steward, and luggage handler were the same person. Really no-frills. When we got clearance to take off, our plane bumped and swayed into the air. But seeing the Great Lakes area at night is really cool, like little piles of jewels on black velvet.

We got to Iron Mountain over 8 hours late, and landed at Ford Airport. Let me tell you, this is one small airport. The runways are pretty big, but the terminal is the size of a large cabin, and contains two counters, two restrooms, four vending machines, and a small lounge with a large TV and a tabletop Space Invaders II game. It also has at least one bat, and a lot of flies. The rental car agency (literally only a guy named Bob who sat at the Hertz/Avis/Information Counter) waited for us to arrive, and gave us a red Pontiac Sunbird. We got a 8th-generation Xeroxed map of the area with our path to the hotel highlighted in orange marker.

Our room was nice. It was a two-bedroom, half-kitchen room at the Super 8 motel. We picked Super 8 because it had an indoor pool and a Jacuzzi. We were exhausted, suffering stress and jet lag, so we went right to sleep.

The next morning, I had to call everyone to let them know I was in town, and that the funeral could go ahead. I didn't have time to meet with everyone I had wanted to, but I got to speak with Tom, head of the Funeral home, and the Reverend March, who would be presiding over the services. They wanted to know more about Edith, but after I spoke with her friends, I think I didn't do such a good job. The obituary had some errors in it, but I didn't care at this point. I was so tired of the whole thing, and it was wet and raining outside.

The next morning, we were recommended "Mel's Diner" for breakfast. It was a diner with a heavy 50's nostalgia theme, and a large amount of food for very little money. We drove around Iron Mountain some to figure out where everything was. I have to tell you, Iron Mountain is a pretty neat place. Typical small town where people speak with those accents from Fargo. One of the bumper stickers said, "Say ya to da Yoopers, eh?" "Yooper" means someone from the upper peninsula, and there are thick Scandinavian roots everywhere. Ya, you betcha. It's true, doncha know. The roads were really wide, and everything was spaced out very far apart. The people were very friendly, I didn't meet a single rude yooper. It was so nice, I want to go back, but only if we can skip the plane trip! Ugh...

http://www.msu.edu/user/dynicrai/yooper.htm - Yooper humor

They have something there which we never got a chance to try call "Pasties," a food item which unfortunately rhymes with nasties and not tasty, although I hear they are very good. It's meat (usually flank steak), potatoes, vegetables, and sometimes rhubarb in a pie crust, kind of like hot pockets. The pasty came from England, where the miners took them in their lunches. They would put the pasties in their shovels and heat them over a lantern to have a hot lunch. These meat, potatoes, carrots, onion, rutabaga or turnip pastries were easily eaten with the hands. The tradition was brought to the Upper Peninsula by immigrants who worked in the copper and iron mines. The mines don't exist anymore, but the pasty lives on. Accompaniments to the pasty vary, some preferring pasties topped with beef gravy. Others prefer catsup, pickle relish or chutney, or eaten plain while still warm and flaky.

Well, all that aside, I finally got to the gravesite and saw it for the very first time. I have been to too many funerals in the last 15 or so years, so it was a familiar hole in the ground next to a stone. John's name was marked there, and Edith's name was there as well with an unfinished date. Her coffin was rather small, I thought. It was beige, and had odd crown molding around the edges. Tom, the funeral director was there, and he said that her body had been put in a glass case, and her face had been covered with white linen.

This is where I met most of Edith's friends. She had quite a few friends present, and some who were there in spirit if they couldn't travel. The service was nice and short. Reverend March had some biblical passages, and actually corrected things in the obituary. The sun came out of nowhere, so even though the grass was still wet, I am glad the forces that be shined some sun on us. Afterwards, I got to speak to a lot of the people assembled. We even got invited to someone's house who was a friend of Edith's *and* my mother! After everyone left, I gave Edith my apologies for all the mishaps, the lack of communication, and hoped that the afterlife was better for her.

Afterwards, we went to eat at a place called Hersch's West, which if you ever go to Iron Mountain, is the best place to eat. They have a kick-ass buffet. While we were there, a HUGE thunderstorm blew through, and rain poured down in sheets. So we had to wait to got to Louise's house.

When we did arrive at Louise's house, we spoke for hour about my mother, grandmother, and how much pretty much everyone disapproved of my father. There was apparently a grand scale operation to get my mother to leave him at one point, but that failed. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one.

Well, we woke up early next morning, had breakfast at Hirsch's West again, and then drove to the airport, where we waited and waited for the plane. Luckily, the small lounge had a remote, and one of the previous visitors left it on Nickelodeon.

When our plane finally arrived an hour late (we had to get new transfers at O'Hare), we arrived even later in Chicago, only find out our next flight was delayed as well. When the plane finally came in from Phoenix, they had to do some service on it, and then we were on the runway for literally two and a half hours. They have a tower radio channel on the flight, and I listened to the ATC barking out commands. It's kind of fascinating, it reminded me a LOT of the times when I worked in my company's Network Operations Center. The major problem was that the closed of Cleveland and all air space east of it for a non-disclosed reason. But they were allowing military planes to go ahead of us.

I never did hear about what happened, because we got clearance and took off. We landed in Dulles, we got on the tram to our car, drove home, and slept through the next day.

Ruth, another friend of Edith's, had given me a video tape of Edith before she went to Sweden. I got to see it a few days later to have a good cry. It was real surreal, because the airport looked the same as it did now (and as it did as a kid, too!), and everyone I had met was there sending her off.

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